Chapter 3: Under the Moon

From a great distance, I looked at Ru Xue’s face, and for a moment I was a little dazed, and even forgot to answer Ru Xue’s question.

Instead, Huigen cheered and ran up to Ru Xue, saying, “Ru Xue, Irene left peacefully, without any worries.” After that, Huigen naturally put his arm around Ru Xue.

It is no wonder that Huigen is so enthusiastic. He hasn’t seen Ruoxue for many years. He used to want Ruoxue to owe him, but now he is tall enough to naturally hold Ruoxue’s shoulders.

Ruxue smiled faintly, looked at Huigen, and said, “You’ve grown up.” Then there was no more expression or emotion.

This is Ru Xue. She has always been very reserved when it comes to expressing her emotions. She likes to keep everything inside, and she has not changed over the years.

Perhaps the mountain wind was really cold, and Ru Xue unconsciously hugged her shoulders. My heart inexplicably ached, and I finally recovered from an indescribable state. I walked a few steps forward, almost without thinking, and naturally took off my thin jacket and draped it over Ru Xue.

Ru Xue was slightly startled, and her eyes, which had been as calm as water, became complicated. In the end, she did not refuse, and let me put my jacket on her.

Seeing this, Huigen made a face, sticking out his tongue and said, “I’m going back to play my game console. I’m missing the game.” Then he ran away.

I don’t understand, is that game console with a black and white screen that fun? But the next moment, I knew that Huigen had grown up, he understood a lot of things, and he wanted to give me and Ru Xue a chance to be alone.

After Hui Gen left, Ru Xue and I didn’t know what to say. Under the cool moonlight, we walked in silence on the cobblestone road in the village. There were many emotions flowing between the two of us, but we couldn’t speak. It was as if we would ruin the atmosphere if we spoke.

Ru Xue lived at the top of the mountain, and as the most familiar guest in the Yueyan Miao village, I was naturally also arranged to stay at the top of the mountain. The road up the mountain was long, but in my eyes, it seemed very short.

Time always seemed to pass quickly when I was with her, as if it were a dreamlike half year.

“Put on your clothes, it’s cold at the top of the mountain. I’m going back first.” Ru Xue took off the jacket she had put on and gave it back to me calmly.

This gesture made me feel a little sad. We were clearly not so unfamiliar with each other that we needed to be polite.

“Let’s walk a little further. Let’s go to that hill.” I pointed to a hill in the distance. That was a place I often went to with Ru Xue.

When I said this, my heart was beating fast, just like when I confessed my love to Ru Xue. I was afraid she would refuse.

But Ru Xue didn’t reject me after all. She just nodded and walked with me towards the hillside.

I didn’t want to be silent anymore. Although I knew that Ru Xue and I were like two people looking at each other from opposite cliffs, looking at each other very closely, we could never get any closer.

“I didn’t see Ru Xue this time.” I made small talk, but I knew that Ru Yue spent very little time in the village, and that she was always busy outside with the company.

“She’s busy,” Ru Xue replied simply, and I didn’t know how to respond.

We walked in silence for a while, and then came to the familiar hillside.

The moonlight was shining on the hillside. It was summer, and the mountain flowers were in full bloom.

But I was in a daze, and my thoughts kept returning to that afternoon of the year when, in the sunlight, Ru Xue and I always liked to come here. Ru Xue sat on the thick grass, and I would fall asleep with my head on her lap.

This kind of mood makes me weak. I know I can’t meet Ru Xue in the place where we fell in love, but knowing doesn’t necessarily mean being able to resist, does it?

I almost blurted out, “Did you find the worm successfully?”

“Ah?” Ru Xue was a little slow to respond.

I turned around and looked into her eyes, saying, “I come to the village almost every year for a month, but no matter which month I come, you’re never here. The answer is always the same. You’re looking for the worm and the herbs. So, I’m asking, did you find it?”

Ruxue’s expression remained calm, but her eyes had a hint of sadness. Then, very quickly, her eyes regained their calmness, and she said, “Chengyi, you shouldn’t care about this.”

I understood what she meant. She was telling me that I shouldn’t care about it. Here, she would avoid me, and our status was no longer appropriate for such petty squabbles.

I was very annoyed. I always thought I was very restrained, but seeing her like this here, I became very childish again, just like the various childish pique, concealment, and impulsiveness of the past in the Miao village of Heiyan.

I took out a cigarette, lit it, and lay down on the grass, looking at the cold moon. I said, “Don’t care, be restrained, I’ve been doing it all the time, haven’t I? It’s just hard…”

Ruoxue didn’t leave, she sat down next to me. The wind blew her long hair slightly, and the familiar light fragrance was still there. She looked at the moon with me, and said softly, “It’s all hard work, but the choice we made was ours, and the six months we wanted was also ours.

“Do you blame me for insisting on being with you for six months?” I asked, as the cigarette smoke drifted in front of my eyes.

“No, I don’t blame you, and I don’t regret it. This life is enough.” Ru Xue answered simply.

“Why do you see a movie with me every year, and occasionally meet me in other cities, but never here?” I actually know the answer, but I still want to ask. I can’t even understand my own childishness.

“Don’t be childish. Don’t you know that memories are too heavy?” Ru Xue smiled faintly. Maybe she was laughing at my childishness. Under the moonlight, her smile was so charming that it always reminded me of a word in the song “Flowing Light and Dancing Flowers” that she had sung in my ear once: “Snow in the clouds.”

How beautiful must it be to see snow in the clouds? I stared at Ru Xue in a daze.

Ru Xue gently turned her head slightly. After so many years, she still looked a little shy when she faced me, and my heart was still the same as it was back then. Seeing her always made my heart beat faster, and I would always become lost in thought.

“Tell me about your recent events.” Ru Xue suddenly asked this question while holding her knees. Perhaps there is an ambiguous flow between us, and we must quickly cut it off, because we cannot afford it.

“There’s a lot going on lately…” I knew exactly what Ru Xue meant, and I had nothing to hide from her. I told her everything that had happened recently, including the ghost market, including Shen Xing, including Cheng Xin, everything.

“Shen Xing may love Cheng Xin, but she is afraid to face such feelings. She cannot deny the deep affection she once had. Perhaps it was just like a family relationship, or perhaps it was just a feeling of being moved, or perhaps it was just a liking. There is always a distance between liking and love.” Ru Xue did not comment on other things, but only Shen Xing. She said this.

I have to admit that she makes a lot of sense. Affection, liking, and being moved are always at a distance from love. She dared not admit her love, and wanted to choose, but in the end, she still gave up on Brother Chengxin. The complexity of emotions and the helplessness of the world are not something we can control or arrange.

“Death is not actually courageous,” I said.

“But living together is not necessarily happy. Because she will always feel guilty, and this will be a torment for Chengxin for a long time.”

“So, are you saying that her death was the best possible outcome?” I was a little confused, but perhaps women understand women better.

“Of course it’s not the best ending. The best ending is a different kind of bravery, the kind that completely lets go. That’s really brave, not heartless.” Ru Xue said softly.

“Then, do you think we are brave?” I suddenly wanted to ask Ru Xue.

“We? We are very brave, and we are also very unbrave.” Ru Xue hugged her knees, her hair gently flying about, like an elf under the moon, so beautiful, but the words she spoke were so bitter.

Of course we are brave. We put aside our desire to be together for the sake of justice. But we are not brave either. We cannot let go of our love for each other. For so many years, we have been tortured by our longing for each other.

This sentence made us both silent.

Finally, I said, “Do you want to go to the movies with me this year?”

“Yes, but let’s go somewhere else. My name is Ru Xue. I always want to see snow.” Ru Xue rarely went out, but this place happened to be a place where it didn’t snow very often, or even at all.

“Okay, then let’s go to the north to watch a movie. It always snows there in winter. The sound of snow falling is very beautiful and quiet…” I said.

“The north? You just said you were going to the old forest in the northeast. Can you take me with you then?” Ru Xue suddenly said.

I was stunned. This was a huge stroke of happiness!