Chapter 137 Determination
Why is the heart of the Dao unstable? At this moment, do you still need an answer? At this moment, the Daotongzi, who had suddenly regained his composure, seemed to have grasped something.
The room was quiet, with only the sound of an hourglass, the sound of time passing by… From the hourglass, one could see at a glance that the clear hour was clearly marked, and the Taoist boy had been standing in front of the window for an hour… And during that hour, every minute and every second, he thought of Wei Chaoyu.
“Wei Chaoyu, it turns out that my unstable heart is all because of you.” The Dao Tongzi’s face suddenly changed, and he inexplicably tightened his lips and frowned.
He had been on a journey to seek the Dao, so how could he not know that the Dao is merciless… All along the way, what needs to be cut off are various desires, and what needs to be abandoned are various emotions… The ultimate Dao is the complete rule of the natural world, and this is what people seek.
All kinds of emotions are just the result of karma. How can a person who is seeking the Dao actively get involved in karma?
It turns out that the Master’s disappointment in me is here… The Taoist boy seemed to understand everything very quickly, but he couldn’t hear my sighs… Because this reminded me of the teachings that my master left for my lineage, the Li family.
How can you not experience the myriad flavors and step by step pay off the karma? How can you talk about letting go? The foundation of letting go is at least having no regrets. Only after having no regrets can you see clearly, and only after seeing clearly can you let go lightly… and return yourself to a state of peace and lightness.
But Daotongzi meant that we should let go of everything in our lives. In fact, how can we let go? Whether we are together or apart, whether we see or don’t see, these are all just forms. What is in our hearts is the essence. Whether we let go or not is all in our hearts, just as whether we laugh or not is also in our hearts.
Unfortunately, my sighs are inaudible to the Taoist boy, and it is even more impossible for him to know my thoughts… Everything here is like a dream of mine. I stand in the “vision of God” and experience it, but I am also a bystander to everything.
But this dream seems to have grown a little… From that day on, the acacia outside the window began, and time seemed to have passed for a long time, but it also seemed to have passed very quickly… I stood at a distance, as if I were flipping through the pages of a book, turning page after page without thinking.
Every day I ‘accompany’ Daotongzi to get up early and go to bed late… to practice and study… Every day’s life is so regular, but also so ‘boring’. It seems normal, but no one knows better than me that on many quiet nights, the lonely figure standing in front of the window will stand there for a long time without realizing the passage of time.
How long has this life been going on? Tao Tongzi never noticed, but I knew… it had been three whole months.
According to his agreement with Wei Chaoyu, they should have met at least six times during these three months… But Daotongzi never went once… There is no time in the mountains, but when there are worries in the heart, every day is so sad.
As time passed, the mountains became more verdant, and the flowers and plants in the Taoist monk’s courtyard, tended by the servants, bloomed one after another… It was like entering the most beautiful peak of a cycle, and on this rainy morning, the Taoist monk’s heart also entered a peak of some kind of emotion.
This emotion is too complex to be expressed with a single adjective… missing, heartache, anxiety, worry… all kinds of feelings mixed together, even a fairy would be driven crazy by it.
Under this kind of torment, Dao Tongzi could no longer stay quietly in the mountain gate… braving the drizzle, he finally walked out of the mountain gate for the first time after three months.
He just wanted to walk in the mountains… Tao Tongzi comforted himself like this, but what he deliberately forgot was that today was another day to meet Wei Chaoyu… and the so-called casual walk was just an uncontrollable walk towards the place where they met every time.
The mountain scenery was still the same, but in the drizzle, it was a little more blurred, and in the rain, all kinds of emotions were more likely to surge. It was in this emotional state that Daotongzi walked along the road, even a little dazed, to the meeting place.
The solitary cliff on top of that mountain… There was nothing to block the view from the top of the cliff, and from a distance… Dao Tongzi saw the figure in white flowing in the wind. She wasn’t looking at the path up the mountain, but rather at the scenery beyond the solitary cliff, lost in thought.
At this time, I could not understand the thoughts of the Taoist boy… I only saw him suddenly stop, his green shirt already wet in the drizzle, his figure looking so haggard and desolate… I also saw the figure standing on the cliff looking so lost and despondent…
The two figures almost overlapped in my eyes… just writing out the bitterness of the word “love.”
Wei Chaoyu did not turn around. Perhaps the disappointment of waiting again and again had made her unable to believe that she would be able to wait for Daotongzi this time. Daotongzi did not approach either. He just stared at Wei Chaoyu’s figure from afar for a while, then turned decisively and left.
At that moment, the rain in the sky seemed to fall even harder… Meeting without recognizing each other, a world away… This is the farthest distance in the world, so far that even the rain in the sky sighs and grieves?
After this long look in the rain, it seemed that the days of Dao Tongzi had returned to normal… but only I knew that every time the appointed day came, he would always leave the mountain gate. He had become accustomed to deceiving himself, going out for a walk to clear his mind on that day, and then every time he would unconsciously walk to the appointed place.
Wei Chaoyu never let Daotongzi down once. Every time they met, Daotongzi would see her lonely figure in white… and every time, Daotongzi would only take a quick look and walk away.
Three months passed in this way… The weather was getting hotter and hotter, and the mood of the Taoist acolyte was getting more and more agitated just like the gradually hot weather… He seemed to be a bit lost, not to mention the study of the Taoist arts in the past, now even the morning and evening classes were gradually becoming difficult to listen to.
This day was no different from any other. The Taoist boy was as lost as ever, and after finishing his morning lessons, he walked back to his courtyard step by step.
What he didn’t notice was that he hadn’t changed his clothes in three days. This was incredible for him, who was meticulous in the past and whose habits were as precise as if they had been set.
But when he reached the front gate of the courtyard, Daotongzi had to stop… He froze and then subconsciously called out, “Master.”
I could feel the feelings of the Taoist monk for the Master, like the nostalgia for a father, and the utmost respect for a teacher… This kind of emotion is no less than the kind of emotion I have for my master, so when I saw the Master’s disappointed expression again, I could understand how tangled that feeling was.
I was just extremely surprised that I had seen this Master more than once, but I could never see his face clearly… I couldn’t even feel his aura. He stood there so naturally, as if he were a brick or a blade of grass, as if he had no breath of his own.
No matter how foolish I am, I know that it is a higher realm… so high that even Wu Tian, the first master I have ever seen alive, is unable to reach it! Because with Wu Tian, you can still feel the pressure he gives you. Although it is also a feeling of being at one with the world, it is not as natural and casual.
“Cheng Dao, your heart is becoming more and more unstable. Have you not yet seen through the reason for this?” The Master’s voice had a quiet and elegant flavor like that of a mountain stream… It was precisely because the voice was so natural that people would unconsciously think that what he said was the truth.
“I think I’ve seen through it.” The Taoist boy thought of Wei Chaoyu again, and his heart inevitably became bitter, but he still did not forget to attack the master and said respectfully, “I’m afraid that you are only seeing the surface when you are in it.
“I’m afraid that you are only seeing the surface of things. You must know that cause and effect come from heaven and earth, and even I cannot interfere. You must rely on yourself to discover and understand the essence of things in order to unravel the causes and return to your true heart, so that your heart of Tao can be stable. Do not take the wrong path.” The Master did not blame the Taoist boy for anything, but instead really taught him like a teacher.
When the Taoist boy heard the word “detour,” his mood became more and more unstable… for a moment, he was stunned and didn’t know how to respond.
The master looked at the Taoist boy and, for some reason, let out a sigh… Then he said, “This is your karma. If you can’t see through it, and someone else gets involved, it might become another cause that pushes this karma forward. I am your teacher, and you have grown up with me since you were little… I can’t just stand by and do nothing. Well, well… I have also become a cause, and I will have to swallow this karma in the future.”
After saying this, the master floated away, leaving behind a sigh that lingered in the air for a long time.
Hearing this sigh, Daotong thought about his own affairs and realized that he had brought the Master bad karma. He could no longer calm his mind and could not help but shout at the Master’s back, “No, I really know the reason. Master, you once said that when you hesitate to make a decision, you will be disturbed by it… I know what I should do.”
“I hope you really see the essence of the unstable heart of the Dao.” The figure of the master disappeared, but his words drifted over.
The young monk standing at the entrance to his courtyard was taken aback, and the fist in his sleeve gradually clenched… Tomorrow, it would be another day he had agreed with Wei Chaoyu… If the cause between the two of them was caused by himself, then he would sever the result himself.