Chapter 1: One year later

It’s another winter in the north, and it’s late at night.

It is still the same small border town. On such a cold night, there are not many pedestrians on the road, except for me.

I forgot to apologize to the owner of the familiar little bar, and once again, I drank until late at night in a shop that had already closed.

When I walked out of the door, I felt drunk, but my heart was awake. My heart was beating painfully in my chest, but I had become numb to this state of myself. Every two or three days, I would always fall asleep in this state. It had been a year, and if I hadn’t become numb, I think I would have died of pain in some corner.

I walked out of the restaurant alone, and the owner stopped me. I turned my head, a little drunk, and asked in a slurred voice, “Is it… is it because I didn’t pay enough?”

“How could that be? You’ve been coming here almost every day this year to take care of our business. If you don’t pay once or twice, I’ll just treat it as a favor.” The boss is very honest and straightforward, and he said it sincerely.

On this cold and freezing night, his words carried a warm breath of heat, which warmed my cold heart a little.

“So, brother, what’s the matter? Nothing… I… I have to go back.” The snowflakes fell and landed on my shoulders, warming my heart a little bit before it started to ache and feel cold again. I realized that I had lost my patience to talk to people nicely in many situations.

“Brother, what I mean is that it’s freezing cold and it’s been a long night. You’re just going to stay here for the night? It’s so cold, it could kill you. There’s a room on the second floor of my shop…” The boss said to me.

But before he could finish, I interrupted him and said, “No, I have to go back. I’ll feel better when I get back. Thank you.” Then I turned around, got on my bike, and waddled off.

Behind me came the sound of the kind couple discussing it. I heard the wife scolding the husband, “It’s so cold at night, and he’s so drunk. How could you let him go alone? What if something happens?”

“I tried to stop him, but he wouldn’t listen. He’s a good-looking young man, and he doesn’t look like a bad person, so why does he do this every now and then? Why does he get himself so drunk?”

“How could we know? Is there something sad going on?” The boss’s wife said uncertainly.

As the distance grew, their voices became smaller and smaller, so small that I could no longer hear them clearly. The only thing that kept repeating in my mind was the three words, “sad thing.”

Yes, sad things. Is it sad to love someone for a lifetime and never see them again? I have been living in this small town for a year, in a rented house that we rented before coming here, waiting for a miracle to happen, waiting for her to appear, but day after day, I am disappointed, more and more desperate, is this not a sad thing?

“Maybe we won’t see each other again, or maybe we will. It all depends on fate.” I was a little dazed when I thought of this sentence. You’re not lying to me, are you? No one answered me, only the snowflakes in the sky fluttering about.

The street was so deserted, but the yellow lights from the windows on both sides of the street were so warm. I was only a few meters away, but I felt like I was in a cold world, far away from the warmth.

There were no tears, my expression was numb, but I didn’t know which TV stations were on. The sound echoed in the cold street, and I had no idea what they were talking about. I just pedaled mechanically, but gradually I became lost.

Because I didn’t know from whose TV the familiar tune came, a female voice sang softly: “Half cold, half warm autumn, fitting by your side, quietly watching the light dance, in the wind…”

I went from being dazed to being excited. I frantically looked for the window from which the song was coming. If I could hear this song on such a cold street, did it mean that my fate with Ruoxue was not yet over?

I was in a daze, and the joy in my heart came inexplicably. I seemed to have returned many years ago to the pavilion by the Moon Weir Lake, where the light gauze was fluttering in the breeze. Ru Xue leaned on my shoulder, and together we watched the soup on the red clay stove in front of us exude wispy wisps of smoke, and then she sang this song to me softly.

I was lost in my memories and finally found the window, but because I was in a daze and drunk, I fell off my bike. I didn’t feel any pain, although my hands were rubbed bloody by the cold ground…

I stumbled to the window and sat against the wall, listening quietly to the song of the dancing light. My face was already covered in cold tears, but I didn’t want to move anymore. I let the snowflakes dance on my body and let it bury me, just like a snow embrace.

In the haze, I felt my body getting colder and colder. The cold snowflakes were not as warm as snow. Was I wrong? I closed my eyes and smiled numbly. I felt dizzy and my whole body was even more dazed.

Why don’t I just rest here? I lay down on the side of the road, my whole body already confused. In the darkness, in the haze, I saw Ru Xue coming out of the gate. She came to find me. I saw my master smiling and said, “Chengyi, this girl is good. Marry her.”

I smiled, what could be happier than this? After marrying her, would I live with you all my life, and would there be a yellow light waiting for me every night?

In a daze, I heard someone calling me: “Third brother, third brother…”

“Chengyi, Chengyi…”

There were so many voices, but at such a happy moment, how could I bear to open my eyes? I was determined to fall into my own world and not wake up again. I felt someone dragging me, and then I lay down in a slightly warmer place. I heard the sound of an engine. Was someone driving? If they were taking me away from here, I didn’t want to…

I wanted to struggle, but I was too weak. After groaning twice, I finally fell into a deeper and deeper drowsiness…

I don’t know how long I slept. I just felt very hot, my head was hurting, I was very dizzy, I was very thirsty, and I was very uncomfortable, so I started to struggle. In the struggle, I realized that my eyes were closed. Where was I? I suddenly opened my eyes.

The first thing I saw was a familiar face. The facial features I had so deeply imprinted in my mind, like snow? No, it wasn’t her, it was Ruoyue. They looked very similar, but I could still tell the two apart at a glance.

My eyes went from surprise to indifference. I looked up and saw the familiar ceiling. I knew I was still in the small northern border town, in the familiar rented room. That was enough. I was going to wait for Ruoxue here!

I wasn’t curious at all as to why Ru Yue was here.

“Third brother, you’re awake?” Seeing me open my eyes, Ru Yue asked, holding a towel in her hand. She placed it on my forehead as she asked.

Am I running a fever? Thinking about this, I suddenly laughed. What’s wrong with me? I have such a good physical foundation from my childhood master, and I’m actually running a fever?

Thinking about this, I nodded to Yue and then shouted, “Drink water…” As soon as I said it, I was shocked. Why did my voice become so hoarse, and I felt like I couldn’t speak?

But I didn’t expect that someone would help me up and then bring the water to my lips. I glanced at it and it was Qin Huai!

“Chengyi, what’s wrong with you? You deserve it. It’s me and Ruyue who owe you. Do you think we should come all the way here to take care of you? Can you please pull yourself together?” Qin Huai’s voice rang in my ears, but I pretended not to hear it. I drank the warm water in the cup, and the water slid down my throat. I felt that my throat was much better, but I still didn’t want to talk, so I lay down on the bed again.

“Come on, don’t lie down. You have to take your medicine right away.” Another voice interrupted. I knew it was Brother Chengxin.

He was still as clean as ever, carrying a bowl of bitter-tasting medicine in his hand.

My heart suddenly tightened. Is it time?

I remembered the scene when we said goodbye here that day. Brother Chengxin persuaded me, “Go, Chengyi, come back with me. You should at least see your parents, right?”

“No, I’m not going anywhere. I’m too sick to go anywhere. I can only stay here, close to her, and feel better!”

“You want to stay here and wait for Ruoxue, right? You think she’ll come here to find you, right?”

“…”

Finally, Chengxin had no choice but to say to me, “Then stay here. We’ll raise the money outside and do some related things. When the day comes that we can sail, I’ll come find you.”

“Okay, my savings book is in the second drawer of the closet in the room. The password is XXX. I’ll use it to raise the money.”

The past is still vivid in my mind. Is this the time we are going to sail? Is the time finally here, and am I leaving here?