Chapter 54: The black past recorded in the notebook (Part 1)

The whole room fell silent, and only the soft voice of Ruyue echoed in the room. The notebook did not record anything else, but Fu Yuan’s own journey of the heart…

The first chapter begins like this.

X/X/19XX.

At school, I was bullied again by Wang Hai and his gang. They took the three yuan I had for lunch and laughed at my mother as a tramp and my father as a bastard. I endured it silently. Compared to the pain in my heart, Wang Hai’s fist in my face wasn’t that painful. My mother is a tramp, and my father is a bastard. I’ve heard about these things. When I go home, don’t think I don’t see those hateful women pointing and whispering. Don’t think I don’t hear their whispers. I hate my mother, and I hate my father for not leaving her and taking me with him!

“It’s a bit sad. I think this psychological distortion has something to do with it.” When Ruyue read the first paragraph, Chengzhen commented with his chin in his hand, but I didn’t say anything. There are too many pitiful people in this world, but hardship gives some people the motivation to rise. Why does it give others endless extremism?

In fact, I know the answer. It’s just a thought. It’s like the old village chief. If he doesn’t let go of his hatred or if he does, he’ll write two different endings. It’s like the people on the boat. If they reach out or don’t reach out, they’ll get two different fates.

Some choices are not given to you by heaven, they are simply the road ahead of you. The choice is in your own heart.

Facing Chengzhen’s words, Ruyue just let out a “hiss” and then said, “Listen to me finish reading.” Then, the picture of Fu Yuan’s life slowly appeared in front of everyone with Ruyue’s voice.

Fu Yuan was born in a small town not far from the county seat. He was born in the 1970s and was an introverted boy.

His father was an honest, somewhat weak-willed factory worker, and his mother was an English teacher at a local school, famous for her beauty. She married Fu Yuan’s honest father in order to obtain a city household registration.

According to Fu Yuan’s notebooks, when he was a child, he was not so introverted, but an ordinary mischievous little boy. He even had many friends and was the leader of a group of children. What changed his life was an incident that happened when he was six years old.

What exactly happened? Because Fu Yuan was young, he didn’t know much, but he heard some gossip from the adults and children around him. The gist of it was that his mother seemed to be involved with another man, and his father was too weak to put up with it.

“I will never forget the day my life changed. It was as if overnight, all my friends abandoned me. They ignored me and kept their distance! The parents of my friends, who had been so nice to me, looked at me strangely. Even the teachers, when I think about it now, I can feel their distance from me. They never called on me in class, and my seat was in the far corner of the classroom… All of this happened overnight. I vaguely knew that something terrible had happened! But no matter how terrible it was, what was my fault? What was my fault?

This is how Fu Yuan described the situation in one of his diaries, but he never said what horrible things had happened, not from beginning to end, as if he was avoiding something or deliberately not writing about it.

Under this kind of life-changing event, Fu Yuan’s personality changed from being outgoing to being introverted, and from being introverted to being a kind of escape-like silence. Sometimes he wouldn’t say a word for a whole day.

He wrote all his confessions in this black notebook. He would go without writing for days, and occasionally write several paragraphs in a day, but all the content was extreme. A subtle change occurred one day after he entered high school.

“On the way home from school today, Wang Hai came to see me again with a few of his so-called classmates, reminding me that I should give him the 10 yuan protection fee once a week. He said to me with a smug look, “Don’t underestimate the power of 10 yuan. It is because of the 10 yuan I pay every week that I am able to avoid being beaten many times. He told me that people like me, people born by my mother, should not be without retribution, so it is only natural that many people want to beat me, and it is he who helps to stop it. He is also very surprised that my mother has not had retribution? She can still teach at school well. He said that bullying me is doing God’s work! What can I say? I gave him 10 yuan in advance! Money, I don’t lack it, that hateful woman will give it to me, more than what my classmates get, and there will be some left over every day, but what’s the use? I still won’t talk to her. I wish she would die. If it weren’t for her scandal, why would anyone say that bullying me is doing God’s work? Why doesn’t she die? If she doesn’t die, my world will be quiet.

When I got home at night, there was no one there. The woman should be at school giving extra lessons. Dad wasn’t home, probably off drinking again. I was hungry, so at lunchtime I gave all my 10 yuan to Wang Hai and his friends. That was the money I had saved up for a few days, including the money for tomorrow’s lunch. If nothing happened, I would be hungry again at lunchtime tomorrow. It was dark and quiet at home, and I don’t know why I felt a little scared. I’d better go for a walk.

This entry was the beginning of a transformation. In fact, at first we didn’t notice this entry because it was no different from the others. But in retrospect, we now know that this was the beginning of a real change.

That night, Fu Yuan went out, and that night, he met a woman. From his record the next day, it seems that that night, he received a steaming hot lunch box from that woman, and also received gentle comfort.

In Fu Yuan’s description, the woman was beautiful to the extreme, gentle and considerate, understanding, and almost without any shortcomings. From the first time he met her, he showed an obsession with the woman.

“Could this woman be a ghost? It’s easy for a ghost to confuse a person. What do you think?” After hearing some of the descriptions, Xiao Chengqian began to express his opinion.

Yes, from the later descriptions of Fu Yuan, the woman has appeared in Fu Yuan’s life frequently since the first time she appeared. Almost every other day, Fu Yuan would meet her. From the lines and words in Fu Yuan’s records, we see that Fu Yuan’s psychological dependence on her is getting deeper and deeper, and gradually there is a trend of her becoming Fu Yuan’s whole world.

Originally, if this had happened to an ordinary person with the same experience, it wouldn’t have been strange. After all, a silent boy who had been bullied for many years and lived in the strange eyes of others met a beautiful and gentle woman who was willing to listen to him. What is strange is that in Fu Yuan’s words, there is always a mysterious color when he mentions this woman. He doesn’t know her identity, where she lives, when she will appear, or even her age. He has never seen any of her relatives or friends, and she has never mentioned them. The way Fu Yuan sees her is to wait in the alley where she will appear every time. That is the alley where he first met her…

From the perspective of ordinary people’s interactions, is all of this normal? It is definitely not normal! Therefore, Xiao Chengqian made this judgment, and we also agree with this judgment, but what the truth is, we still need to listen to it.

After a moment of silence, Ruyue continued reading from Fu Yuan’s notebook. The text that followed was the same as the previous entry, and it was all about trivial things between him and the woman.

The bullying by his classmates that he had previously recorded was gone, as was the extreme hatred in his heart. Everything in his life was gone, and the entire page was filled with the woman.

“I told her, I don’t know your name yet, but I want to treat you like a mother. I think a mother should look like you, not only beautiful but also gentle, willing to listen to me, and without that bad reputation. She looked at me and smiled. I had never seen her smile like that before. It was a little strange. I was nervous. She was so young and beautiful. How could she have a son like me? Was she angry? Or did she know what I was thinking in the deepest part of my heart? Not only did I think of her as my mother, but I also realized that I had fallen in love with her, deeply in love. I would die for her.”

Ruyue stopped reading here, and my heart inexplicably tightened!

Mom! Didn’t Fu Yuan keep calling out “Mom” in the courtyard? Things seemed to become clearer. Fu Yuan had met a ghost Rakshasa, and he had unknowingly become involved with a ghost Rakshasa…