Confucius on True Kindness: The Role of Cautious Speech

Sima Niu (1) asked about benevolence. The Master said, “A benevolent man is slow in his speech.” Sima Niu said, “Is that all there is to benevolence?” The Master said, “Is it not difficult to act in a benevolent way, and is it not difficult to speak in a benevolent way?”

[Notes]

(1) Sima Niu: Sima Niu was the name of a student of Confucius.

(2) 讱: pronounced rèn, meaning “to hesitate.” Here it means “to speak cautiously.”

(3) Si: just.

Translation:

Sima Niu asked what it meant to be a benevolent person. Confucius said, “A benevolent person speaks cautiously.” Sima Niu said, “Speaking cautiously, is that what it means to be benevolent?” Confucius said, “It is difficult to do, so how can one not speak cautiously?”

Commentary:

“His words are cautious” is one of the requirements Confucius set for those who wish to become benevolent. A “righteous person” must be careful in his words and deeds, and his actions must be serious. Therefore, “cautious” here serves “righteousness,” and in order to be “righteous,” one must be “cautious.” This idea is basically consistent with what is said in Chapter 1 of this article: “To overcome oneself and return to propriety is to be righteous.”

In the rich tapestry of Confucian philosophy, the concept of “仁” (rén), often translated as “kindness” or “benevolence,” is central. A thought-provoking dialogue between Confucius and his disciple, Sima Niu, sheds light on the profound understanding of this virtue.

When Sima Niu, whose courtesy name was Ziniu, inquired about the nature of true kindness, Confucius responded with a reflection on the importance of careful speech. He remarked, “The kind person speaks cautiously.” This statement might initially seem simple, but it opens up a deeper layer of understanding regarding the practice of kindness.

Sima Niu’s follow-up question, “If cautious speech is what defines kindness, is that all there is to it?” highlights a common misconception: that kindness can be merely about how one speaks. Confucius’ reply is both insightful and challenging. He stated, “To practice it is difficult; to speak about it, can one do so without caution?”

Here, Confucius emphasizes a critical point: while it is easy to talk about virtues such as kindness, embodying them is far more challenging. The word “讱” (rèn), used by Confucius, means to speak with care and is closely related to the idea of being deliberate and thoughtful in one’s communication. This careful approach is not merely a social nicety but an essential aspect of practicing true kindness.

Confucius’ teachings suggest that the essence of being a benevolent person involves more than just the outward appearance of kindness. It requires a deep commitment to acting with integrity and thoughtfulness in every aspect of one’s behavior. The concept of “讱” underscores that true kindness is reflected in both action and speech. It aligns with Confucius’ broader teachings, such as in the first chapter of the Analects, where he discusses the principle of “克己复礼” (kè jǐ fù lǐ), meaning to restrain oneself and return to ritual propriety, as fundamental to being kind.

In essence, Confucius advocates for a form of kindness that is not merely about surface-level politeness but involves a profound alignment between one’s words and actions. For anyone aspiring to practice true kindness, the lesson is clear: it is not enough to speak thoughtfully; one must also act in a way that reflects this thoughtfulness. This alignment ensures that kindness is genuine and not just a superficial gesture.

By understanding and applying these principles, individuals can achieve a deeper, more authentic expression of kindness. Confucius’ teachings continue to offer valuable insights into how we can strive for a life marked by true benevolence and integrity.