How to Truly Understand People: Insights from Confucius

2·10 The Master said, “When we look at what a person does (1), observe the path he takes (2), and examine the state of mind he is in (3), how can we not know him? How can one hide?

[Explanation]

(1) So: what one does.

(2) By: the path one takes.

(3) At ease: in a state of peace.

(4) Hide: to hide, to conceal.

[Translation]

Confucius said, “To understand a person, one should look at the motives behind his words and deeds, observe the path he takes, and examine what he is at ease with. How can this person hide?”

[Analysis]

This article mainly talks about how to understand others. Confucius believes that one should listen to what people say and observe what they do, and also look at their state of mind when doing things. If one comprehensively observes and understands a person from his words and actions to his inner feelings, then there is nothing that this person can hide.

Observing Actions and Motives

Confucius said, “To understand a person, one should look at the motives behind his words and deeds, observe the path he takes, and examine what he is at ease with. How can this person hide?” This suggests that actions alone are not enough; one must seek the motives driving these actions. For example, a person might donate to charity. While the action itself is commendable, understanding whether it stems from genuine compassion or a desire for social recognition provides deeper insight into their character.

The Path One Takes

Observing the path someone takes refers to understanding their long-term goals and values. In American culture, where individualism is often celebrated, this could mean paying attention to career choices, personal relationships, and life decisions. For instance, someone who consistently chooses ethical business practices over profit maximization likely values integrity over wealth.

Examining the State of Mind

Confucius emphasizes the importance of examining what a person is at ease with. This involves understanding their mental and emotional state. Are they calm and composed under pressure, or do they easily succumb to stress? In American society, where mental health awareness is growing, recognizing a person’s emotional resilience can be key to understanding them fully.

Cultural Context and Universal Application

While Confucius’ teachings originate from a different cultural context, their application is universal. In the American context, this might involve balancing a respect for individualism with a deeper inquiry into a person’s values and motivations. By integrating these insights, Americans can foster more meaningful and authentic relationships.

Applying Confucius’ Wisdom Today

Active Listening: Truly listen to what people say and pay attention to underlying motives.

Observational Skills: Watch the decisions and paths people choose in life to understand their values.

Emotional Intelligence: Be aware of and sensitive to the emotional states of others.