Chapter 79: I’m sorry

Perhaps my calmness had infected Chengxin, and at this moment his eyes finally had a little focus and a little emotion, but that emotion was all pain. He covered his face and said, “Chengyi, it’s very painful for a doctor to be unable to save someone, especially when someone important to you falls in front of you like this. It’s really painful. I’m afraid, I’m afraid of Shen Xing…”

I stood up, looked up at the ceiling in silence, then suddenly pulled Chengxin up by his hair and dragged him a few steps to the bathroom. I turned on the faucet and held his head under the water, letting the cold water rush through his head!

Perhaps the cold water stimulated Cheng Xin Ge, and he suddenly became angry. He lifted his head from under the faucet and, without thinking, yelled, “What are you doing?” At the same time, his fist also swung toward me.

I grabbed Cheng Xin Ge’s fist and yelled at him, “Are you still not sober? All you can think about is that you can’t save her, you can’t save her! Shen Xing is so smart, if she would blame you for not being able to save her, she wouldn’t have done it this way! Besides, it’s not completely hopeless… You can be angry, you can be sad, but you can’t just fall apart because of it. Do you understand?”

I know the pain of being consumed by self-blame. I felt that I had to wake up Cheng Xin immediately. I was worried about Shen Xing, but I was also worried that Cheng Xin would fall into despair.

Chengxin is a smart guy. Maybe the cold water helped him calm down. He understood what I meant, suddenly calmed down, took off his shirt, wiped his hair, and then put it back on, trying his best to tidy it up.

He didn’t rush out of the bathroom, but said to me, “Chengyi, give me a cigarette.”

I lit two cigarettes, took one for myself and put one in his mouth…

The waiting time was unbearable. Every minute felt like an hour, but the waiting time was also precious. You always hope that time will move slowly, because being able to wait means there is still hope.

Only when you are desperate will you give up waiting.

Time ‘tick, tick’ went by, and I kept thinking to myself, why would Shen Xing choose to do that?

Chengxin had already told me the whole story, and it was even more inexplicable.

In the end, today was a happy day for Yu Chengxin. He and Shen Xing had a very happy date, and according to Yu Chengxin, they were already very close to being lovers.

Today’s Shen Xing is not like the previous Shen Xing. She seems to be enthusiastic and integrated with us, but in fact, she has a thick wall of heart.

“Today, Shen Xing doesn’t have this wall of heart. I can feel it, Chengyi! She took me to the streets and alleys, showed me the places where she spent her childhood in Tianjin, took me to eat the food that only the old Tianjin people in that area know, and told me a lot about where she worked and how outstanding her achievements were… Chengyi, today’s Shen Xing really has no wall of heart.” These are the exact words that Chengxin said to me.

I believe in Brother Chengxin, and I believe that the kind of happy wandering he described exists.

They continued to get along so happily until the evening, when Shen Xing suddenly suggested that Cheng Xin accompany her to a place to drink. It was already close to the outskirts of the city, and the place where Shen Xing asked Cheng Xin to accompany her to drink was the roof of an abandoned bungalow. This place was where Shen Xing had brought him before, where she had lived when she was a child.

“Actually, it was really nice there for a long time! There was no noise or bustle of the city, only the breeze with the scent of the earth and grass, and the moon above. I really had a good time drinking with her.” Up until that moment, Brother Chengxin felt that everything was normal and happy.

In the end, Cheng Xin finished his five cans of beer, and Shen Xing said that whoever finished first would go down first. This was the rule of the game she played when she was a child. When she said this, Shen Xing still had half a can of beer left.

“I didn’t suspect anything, I went down! From below, I couldn’t see clearly what she was doing on top, I could only see her feet dangling, looking very happy. It didn’t take more than ten minutes before she came down.” This is how Cheng Xin described the situation at the time.

Next, they naturally set off on the return journey. On the way back, Cheng Xin was thinking about whether or not to confess his love to Shen Xing, but he hesitated. They had only just met, and he began to feel that Shen Xing’s mood had become low.

After walking for less than five minutes, Shen Xing looked tired. She suddenly said to Cheng Xin, “Su Chengxin, carry me on your back. I can’t walk anymore!”

Chengxin felt a little strange, but also secretly a little happy. She could let him carry her, so does that mean she accepts him? But when he looked at Shen Xing, she was really starting to get tired, even sleepy.

Without refusing, Cheng Xin took Shen Xing on his back and walked along the road in the suburbs, where there were few cars.

At this time, Shen Xing suddenly said to Cheng Xin Ge, “A long time ago, there was also such a person who liked to carry me back and forth on this road. At that time, we didn’t have the money to live in the city.”

When he heard this, Cheng Xin was silent. He didn’t know what to say in response. He guessed that Shen Xing was talking about someone very important to her, probably a man.

In fact, at that time, Cheng Xin Ge felt a little sour in his heart, but he didn’t mind. Who doesn’t have a past? Or, at this age, who hasn’t loved?

He just felt that Shen Xing’s voice was a bit fuzzy. Was this kind of fuzziness an escape from the past? That’s what Cheng Xin thought at the time.

However, after a minute, Shen Xing suddenly said to Cheng Xin, “Su Chengxin, I’m going to die.”

“What are you talking about? You’re fine, how could you be dying?”

“Su Chengxin, you are a good man. I want to accept you, but… I can’t get past myself.” Shen Xing’s voice became more and more erratic.

Chengxin was stunned for a moment, but soon he said gently, “It’s okay. No one is asking you to pass anything right now. There’s plenty of time. I’ll wait for you. Take your time.”

“No… there’s no time left. I took a lot of sleeping pills.” Shen Xing’s voice gradually became inaudible. She was lying on Cheng Xin’s back, motionless and very heavy.

This is a phenomenon that occurs when a person loses control of their body! Brother Chengxin is a doctor, how could he not know?

His face changed suddenly, and he immediately put down Shen Xing and pinched her pulse. Her heartbeat was slow, which was a typical feature of taking sleeping pills!

Cheng Xin Ge panicked. As he said, he immediately thought of many ways in his head, such as inducing vomiting. However, Shen Xing had lost part of her ability to swallow, and it was difficult for her teeth to open…

Cheng Xin Ge didn’t dare to try more. As a doctor, he knew that every minute and every second was precious!

He almost ran into the middle of the road to stop a passing car and then took Shen Xing to the hospital!

Yes, Shen Xing had confused everyone, including Cheng Xin Ge, with a day of happiness, but no one knew the reason for her actions! Including me, I couldn’t guess, and I could only vaguely feel that her actions might be related to her conversation with Master Liu.

But didn’t she say she would face it? Does facing it mean committing suicide? That’s the weakest way to escape, okay?

I was a little confused, so I was very anxious. In this sad silence, Chengxin suddenly spoke up: “Chengyi, do you know? That was a miracle. Even though the medicine had already taken effect, she was still so lucid that she could say so much to me! Do you know? That was only possible with a very strong will. That… that must have been something she really wanted to tell me.”

When he said this, a drop of water fell from Chengxin’s hair, which was not completely dry, like a drop of tear.

The content of their conversation was so… I don’t know how to describe it, so when I heard Cheng Xin Ge say that it was a miracle, I couldn’t say anything, I couldn’t respond, I could only be silent.

At this moment, the lights in the emergency room went out, and the doctor came out. Cheng Xin Ge and I both stood up and went to meet him. Neither of us dared to ask a question first, we just stood there in a daze.

The doctor took off his mask and said with a very regretful expression, “I’m sorry, she took sleeping pills with alcohol, and the amount was too large. We did our best.”

“No… that’s not true…” Chengxin shook his head, smiling and crying at the same time, then suddenly fell to his knees.