Chapter 69: What is lost and what is gained

Am I awake? I don’t want to wake up, but the warmth in my palm reminds me that, just like in my dream, there is someone in reality holding my hand. It wasn’t her who woke me up, but the warmth in her palm reminded me that someone in reality is so worried about me.

Her voice was so familiar. If it was her who woke me up, then the gap between dream and reality wouldn’t have been so painful.

But how could she, Ruoxue, be here?

I slowly opened my eyes and felt a soft handkerchief on my face, gently wiping away the tears on my cheeks. When I woke up, the world I saw seemed to be out of focus, everything was blurry and shaking. Even though it was blurry and shaking, I could still “see” that the person holding my hand and wiping away my tears was Ruoxue.

After a while, my eyes cleared up and I could see everything in the ward clearly. Where was Ruoxue? This single-bed room was almost packed with people I knew, my fellow students, Ruoyue, Surou, Qinhuai… In addition to my relatives, almost everyone who was important in my life was there.

“Uh…” I wanted to say something, but I found myself dazed and weak, unable to even speak. But it was this simple sound that surprised everyone in the ward.

“Chengyi, you’re awake?”

“Chengyi, do you know how long you’ve been out?”

“Chengyi…”

Everyone gathered around, and the chaotic voices made me not know who to answer. At this moment, Ru Xue quietly let go of my hand. I couldn’t help but feel a bit disappointed, but when I thought about reality, I could only glance at Ru Xue, and then there was silence.

The chaotic scene continued for a minute before it quieted down at my request. Qin Huai took Ru Xue’s place and sat next to me, feeding me water until I touched the first drop. I didn’t realize how thirsty I was until then, and I drank the water almost ‘greedily’. After a while, I remembered that I had a lot of questions to ask, and Qin Huai was the one responsible for answering them.

“Where am I?”

“Where else? The hospital, of course, the hospital in Beijing.” Qinhuai shook the hospital bed and put a pillow behind me so that I could lean back more comfortably.

I was in a daze. How did I end up in Beijing? Almost everyone I knew was here, except for Huigen. And what happened while I was asleep?

“How many days have I slept? Where is Huigen? I’m on a mission, right? How did I end up here?” After saying a series of things, I suddenly felt deeply exhausted, as if my brain couldn’t process so much information. What was wrong with me? But I didn’t dare to ask.

Qin Huai was silent for a long time before saying, “Chengyi, why don’t you rest for a while? You just woke up, you shouldn’t ask so much, you…” When Qin Huai said this, his face looked a bit ugly. This kid has always been someone who wouldn’t panic even if the sky fell, and he was showing this expression, so there must be something going on.

I didn’t press Qin Huai for anything, but turned to look at the other people in the ward. The always serious Cheng Qing suddenly looked out the window when he met my gaze, while Cheng Xin pretended to be flipping through a book, and Su Rou took out her phone and pressed , not knowing who to call. Cheng Zhen couldn’t avoid it, so he simply walked up to Ru Yue and pretended to say something to her. Ru Yue took the opportunity to pretend to listen to Cheng Zhen. As for Cheng Yuan, he simply asked Cheng Zhen, “What are you talking about?” Then he walked over…

Only Ru Xue, as always, looked at me calmly. Only she was so quiet, and her face did not have the sadness that everyone else had.

Qin Huai coughed and walked away from me. He walked to the window and pretended to look at the scenery outside. Suddenly, he looked at it and his breathing became heavy. He suddenly leaned against the window and I heard him choking…

As if it were an infectious disease, Su Rou no longer played with the phone, staring at the ceiling and beginning to blink his eyes, as if he was desperately holding back tears. Cheng Qing began to sigh, and the clean-freak Cheng Xin took out a handkerchief and covered his eyes. Cheng Zhen and Cheng Yuan simply hugged Ru Yue and began to cry. Ru Yue looked at me with sad eyes, called out “Third Brother,” and before he could speak, tears fell.

Third brother? Is it about me? What happened to me? It seemed that this injury had slowed my reaction. I was stunned for a while before I remembered this possibility. I subconsciously looked at my hands and then looked at my feet under the quilt. I’m not disabled? This was my first thought.

After this thought came to mind, I suddenly remembered what happened before. Lao Hui, the basement, I was unconscious… but what happened?

“Don’t look at him like that. No matter what he’s lost, he’s still the same person.” The calm voice echoed throughout the ward. It was Ruoxue’s voice. I looked up at her. I didn’t understand what she meant.

Ruxue stood up and walked to my side as calm and composed as ever. She sat down next to me and took my hand again.

Perhaps her words had an effect, and everyone’s mood improved slightly. However, Qin Huai muttered, “I’m afraid he’s sad, I’m afraid he…” but was stopped by Cheng Qing, who said, “Let Ru Xue tell him.”

“Chengyi.” Ru Xue called my name. I turned my head and looked at Ru Xue with a somewhat confused and innocent look. I really couldn’t think of what was so sad about it. Only Ru Xue could be so calm. But at this time, she was my spiritual comfort. I felt like I could only rely on her, and her calmness made my heart less nervous.

“This is the secret hospital of the department, and the doctors here are not ordinary doctors. They can be said to be in the field of medicine, and their treatment is even more special. After you fell into a coma, the people in the department transferred you to this hospital on an emergency basis. It was said to be the order of a very high-level person.” At this point, Ru Xue paused, looked at me, and a faint smile appeared on her face, as if to encourage me to face the next thing.

Ruxue’s smile always made me intoxicated. I used to feel that as long as Ruxue smiled, withered flowers could bloom again. It was just that she was used to being calm and rarely smiled, so this time, as always, when I saw her smile, my mood brightened.

I just didn’t know why, this time, it took me a long time to react. Ru Xue seemed to be smiling very reluctantly. Yes, she could be calm. If it weren’t for me, she might not be able to smile.

But after I reacted, Ru Xue was already saying the next words: “Chengyi, I don’t know what task you are going to perform this time. Anyway, after you transferred to this hospital, all of us received a notice to come to this hospital to accompany you, for fear that you would think about it after waking up.”

“What would I be upset about?” I said and laughed, but I vaguely sensed what it was about, and my laughter was so weak. I felt inexplicably depressed, and I started to look for a cigarette habitually.

At the right moment, Su Rou came over and put a lit cigarette in my mouth. Ru Xue glared at Su Rou, who said, “You don’t understand men. Having a cigarette at this time would be better.” After saying that, Su Rou paused, then sighed and said, “Ru Xue, you can speak.” Then she walked away.

Ru Xue held my hand a little tighter, as if she was afraid of losing me. She also remained silent for a long time before saying, “Chengyi, do you know why I am so calm? Because no matter what you look like, even if you are gray-haired and wrinkled, even if this face has completely changed, as long as I know that you are Chen Chengyi, then I am your Ru Xue. Yes, I will never be your wife in this life, but I will still be your Ru Xue. So it doesn’t matter what kind of Chen Chengyi you are to me. That won’t stop me from accompanying you in your heart, even living and dying together. This is my peaceful belief.

Ru Xue could say such “love words” with few words. Her words were always cold. Although I was puzzled, I couldn’t help but be moved. Isn’t that how I feel about Ru Xue?

I raised my hand, and my hand holding the cigarette trembled a little. I took a deep breath of smoke, and when the smoke circled around my chest cavity, bringing a kind of paralyzing calmness, I exhaled the smoke. In the misty smoke, I said, “I know.” As I spoke, I held Ru Xue’s hand a little tighter. A single sentence of “I know” was already better than a thousand words.

Ru Xue knew that I was encouraging her to continue, so she said, “Chengyi, I’m afraid you won’t be able to be a Taoist priest anymore.”