Chapter 11 We are all fools

The happy and peaceful days always made me feel unreal, even though I knew that they were only temporary. I was still so uneasy and worried about losing the happiness that Ruoxue and I had so desperately sought.

We were afraid that the days of happiness would be too sweet, making it harder to forget the days of being together in the future. We were also afraid that we would not be sweet enough to each other, and that we would miss out on the six months of being together.

The people of the Miao village ignored our constant presence, and even the village shaman turned a blind eye.

This village is very large, but compared to other Miao villages, in fact, after hundreds of years of seclusion, the people here are very familiar with each other, and everyone knows a little about Ru Xue and me.

I have heard this comment more than once: “It’s a pity that this young man is not a Hmong.”

“They really have a hard time, but it’s a pity that he can’t marry into our village.”

Whenever I heard such remarks, my heart would ache, but what could I do? This village was already very kind, because in other Miao villages, Miao women would never marry Han men, but this village at least allowed Han men to marry into the family.

And everyone turned a blind eye to our relationship, allowing us to have a breathing space and a past to reminisce about, even though we knew that we would inevitably be separated.

I stayed with Ru Xue until late every night, and only then would I send her back to her hut. I would finally return to my own residence, and then look forward to seeing her the next day.

My master, who lived with me, almost never asked about my state of mind. He only said to me, “Stay together as long as you can. It doesn’t matter if you go crazy.”

“Master, have you ever been crazy?” Actually, I really wanted to know if the young Master had ever been crazy for Grandma Ling Qing.

“What do you think?” The master walked into the house with his hands behind his back, his back a little desolate.

At that moment, I thought that Master had gone crazy before, or was still crazy now. So alone, using uninhibited behavior to hide the pain in my heart, would I be the same?

I suddenly understood what my master meant. The only thing that made me luckier than him was that I was an orphan.

In this way, he could spend his whole life repaying this love, because he didn’t want to disappoint Old Li, so he could only disappoint Ling Qing’s grandmother’s love.

I tried not to think about it, even though I had considered whether I could have a way to do both, for example, if I joined the tribe and learned witchcraft, I would not give up Taoism. But that was impossible. It was not a matter of learning anything, but a matter of inheritance.

Because I joined the tribe, I had to quit my master’s school and from then on I was no longer a member of the Li family. I could only have one identity, that of a shaman of the tribe, and from then on I had no further relationship with my master’s school.

I couldn’t do that to my master, even though he said he wouldn’t interfere with any of my choices.

On this day, I sent Ruoxue home as usual, and when I turned around, I found someone I didn’t have much contact with waiting for me. It was Irene.

We chose a secluded place to talk. When Irene saw me, the first thing she said was, “You and Ru Xue should leave here. I am Ru Xue’s sister. I will take care of everything for her.”

I didn’t understand what Irene meant, and I just looked at her strangely and said, “Didn’t you oppose me being with Ru Xue? Now why do you want us to… run away together?”

“Is love something that others can oppose? If you love her, you won’t be afraid even if you are against the whole world.” Irene said in a low voice, then paused and said to me very seriously, “Love should be like fire. Even if it burns to ashes and eventually goes out, it is still a fierce love, a willing heart that is willing to be like honey. You can go, be as happy as you can, and love each other without caring about anything.”

Eileen’s eyes were burning, and I dared not look at her. At this moment, I felt that Eileen was the kind of girl that people talked about. Once in love, she was crazy and pure, passionate as fire, willing to give and willing to suffer, even if she was crushed to pieces afterwards.

Unfortunately, neither I nor Ruoxue can love each other without any worries, because we don’t have a way to do both, to be true to both, so we only have a choice, and we have already made it.

“Chen Chengyi, you should say something. Don’t you feel sorry for Ruoxue? Don’t you feel sorry for yourself? Are you two idiots? You’re so sweet to go around saying that you’re only going to be together for half a year. If it were me, I would either be together or never be together. A half-year promise is just a wound.” Irene said very directly.

I sighed, took a puff of my cigarette, and said to Irene very seriously: “Irene, Ru Xue and I both have our own choices. We can’t be so reckless, but we don’t have the courage to regret never being together. You said that love is fire, and it burns recklessly and hotly. Then, just think of Ru Xue and I as moths flying into the flame. It’s enough to have a moment of splendor.”

“You are a fool, Ru Xue is a fool, and I am a fool too. I am so pitiful that I hope my best friend can be happy for the rest of her life, at least she won’t have to feel so sorry.” Irene said that and turned around and left.

I was left behind, looking at her back with some confusion. Is she also a fool? Regret, does she also regret?

I didn’t think about it that much, I just thought that if Qin Huai and Su Rou’s relationship didn’t work out, I would also feel regret. Her feelings for Ru Xue were just like my feelings for Qin Huai and Su Rou.

Time passed like a flowing river, and before we knew it, it was already late autumn, and we were fast approaching the beginning of winter.

When Ru Xue and I didn’t think about separation, we were very happy.

When we forget our own identities, we are no different from ordinary lovers. When I hold her, I feel very warm, and when I kiss her, my heart beats fast. We occasionally quarrel, but we make up quickly.

I would say silly things to her, and she would cook for me and make me very happy.

Ru Xue is very lively when she cooks. Whenever she cooks, my master, Hui, Chengxin, and Fanfan will all come to eat and drink, because Ru Xue’s cooking is really delicious.

“There are not many people in the world who can perfectly replicate ancient cuisine, and Ru Xue is one of them.” This is the evaluation of my master for Ru Xue.

Whenever this happens, Ru Xue just smiles quietly and calmly next to me.

She is still the same, indifferent to everyone, but I just love her indifference.

One day at noon, after eating, my master squinted at me and Ru Xue and said, “You should go out and walk around. It would be a shame if you spent all your time in this village. Sanwa, didn’t you say you wanted to take Ru Xue to the movies? Go ahead.”

Upon hearing this, Tuan Tuan asked nervously, “Master Jiang, will it be dangerous for them to go out?”

Fanfan also looked at my master with concern.

My master waved his hand and said, “It’s almost winter, and the dogs in the Miao village won’t dare to move, but we’re about to move too. After this trip, you’ll be separated, don’t get too attached.”

Master said as lightly as possible, but he lowered his head, and I couldn’t see his expression clearly.

At that moment, I suddenly squeezed her hand, which was as white as snow, and her hand trembled slightly.

It had been almost five months since early July, and the half-year promise had arrived so quickly? I was still in a daze, forgetting the time, and I was afraid that Ruxue was the same.

“Clang!” It was Irene, who was pouring the soup, and the sound of the spoon falling. She muttered, “Master Jiang, are you going to take action? Are you going to separate them? Can’t you let them be together anymore?”

The master looked up, his eyes deep and serious, and said to Irene, “Yes, they will be separated. No one can say for sure how this operation will end. Even if the matter is over, Chengyi and Ruxue should have their own things to do, and now is just the right time.

Irene angrily put down the bowl and said to my master, “You are really heartless. No wonder you could so easily abandon Ling Qing’s grandmother. Do you have to make your apprentices follow you? Your apprentice’s love is his own.”

My master did not say anything or offer an explanation, but instead sighed, stood up, walked to the edge of the veranda, and looked at Irene and asked, “Irene, is love really that important to you? Is it more important than anything else?”

Eileen met my master’s gaze and said firmly and seriously, “More important than my life. I don’t know about others, but I only know about myself. I was born for love. I don’t understand others, and others don’t need to understand me.”

How could my master speak to Irene like that? I was sad, but also very surprised.

Ruoxue had already gently taken Irene’s hand and said, “Irene, you don’t have to be like this. I won’t regret my own choice, and I can bear the sadness.

Eileen glanced at Ru Xue and said, “Ru Xue, you are very foolish. We are all foolish.”

Master Hui recited a Buddhist mantra, and the master just looked out at the village outside the corridor, not knowing what he was thinking.