Chapter 66: Please pull yourself together

“Get up, you little brat. What’s the matter with you lying here?” I looked up in a daze, and there was Master.

I was so surprised that I almost cried out, “Master, where have you been?”

The master was silent and did not answer, but turned and said, “I’m hungry. Go find something to eat.”

“Master, you’re right here. I’ll go get you something to eat. You’re right here.” I hurriedly got up, trying to grab Master, but I realized I had grabbed nothing. I froze, and the Master in front of me suddenly disappeared, turning into the purple little monster that had disappeared.

I wasn’t scared at all. I was angry and crazy, and I rushed up and grabbed the little monster, yelling, “Give me back my master! Give me back my master!”

“Give it back to me…” I said to myself, and then I suddenly opened my eyes.

The familiar ceiling, the empty room, I was still sleeping in the same place where I fell last night. Where was the master, and where was the monster?

My mind was blank, and I stood up numbly, but I heard the sound of rain outside. I was bored out of my mind in the house, so I walked out for a bit and sat in front of the stairs of the bamboo hut, watching the rain fall. Suddenly, I felt that this position was very good.

Well, I’ll just wait for Master here.

I never understood how deep my feelings for my master were. Just now, I haven’t shed a single tear, but I feel as if I can’t breathe. I sit there stupidly, and I temporarily lose the ability to think.

I always feel that I should do something, but I can’t give up waiting here because I have to wait for my master.

He told Grandma Lingqing, “I’m always at the Bamboo Grove.” Bullshit! Why haven’t you come back yet?

From sitting in the morning until it was completely dark, well, the day was over. I felt like I should go to bed, but when I stood up, my legs were numb and I immediately fell onto the porch.

The next morning, when I woke up completely, there was sunlight in the sky again, which was a bit blinding. I don’t remember how many times I woke up last night. Anyway, when I woke up this time, I was always a bit dazed, and I could still feel the traces of tears on my face.

I didn’t know what I was going to do, and I wasn’t hungry. I just felt that I was in pain and needed to end it.

I rushed to the kitchen and found a gourd that the master always used to store wine in. Looking at it, my heart began to ache again. Jiang Lichun, how could you abandon me? You could have told me that you were leaving for a few years, like you did when we were in Beijing. You could have said that you were too old to follow the master, or even that you were disgusted with me. But how could you abandon me?

How could you just leave without a word?

Thinking of this, I suddenly removed the cork from the gourd and began to pour the wine into my mouth. Then I was choked by the spicy wine. The old man used to be a bit of a wine lover, but our financial situation as master and disciple was not very good, so it was no wonder that the spicy Daqu wine choked me.

But the next moment I felt much better. A wave of hot wine rushed to my head. My blood was hot and my heart was tight. I could laugh. I yelled in the empty kitchen, “Jiang Lichun, come out. I’ll buy you good wine.”

But who would answer me? I sneered and simply held the gourd and drank. I staggered to the front of the porch and continued to drink. The wine flowed from the corner of my mouth, down my neck, and onto the lapel of my shirt, soaking a large area of my clothes, but I could not shed a tear.

Under the influence of the wine, I seemed to have some ability to think. I always felt that I was too weak, and I always felt that I should wash my face and then go down the mountain to find my master. But I hated it so much that I gritted my teeth and said, “How could you leave without a word? How could you abandon me? How could you?

Then my memory began to blur. I remember I threw up, and it was very uncomfortable. Then I just lay down somewhere. In the blur, I saw many shadows. In the deep pool, the little me was practicing boxing. The master was practicing boxing in the courtyard, while drinking and shouting at me. In front of the corridor, the master and I, a pot of hot tea, seemed to be playing chess. In the hall, we were eating…

I didn’t want to see any more, so I closed my eyes. After a while, I felt dizzy and fell asleep, not knowing anything.

When I woke up, I was lying in bed, my body was clean and dry, but I couldn’t hide the smell of alcohol. I saw my mother sitting in front of me with teary eyes, holding a bowl of porridge, and my father looked at me angrily.

“Son, you’re awake? Do you want to eat?” Mom said, holding the bowl in her hand, a little bit cautiously.

I pushed the bowl away. I had no appetite.

“What’s going on? Tell me,” said my father, looking at me expectantly.

But I was silent.

I didn’t mean to upset my parents. I didn’t mean to not eat. I just couldn’t say anything. I wasn’t hungry.

In the silence, my father became angry and rushed over to give me a slap, yelling, “Look at you! Master Jiang has been with you for decades, just to let you be like this? You don’t say, we know, Master Jiang must have gone, that day we felt something was wrong. But don’t you think about it, Master Jiang is what kind of person, he always has his own pursuit, people have been to you for decades, the kindness has been great as the sea, what are you doing? Who are you angry with? Look at me and I’ll beat you to death.”

As he said this, my father’s hand was about to strike again. I watched numbly as my mother quickly pulled him back, saying to me, “Son, I know you’re upset. Just eat something. Don’t make it so hard for me and your father. It wasn’t easy for your father to carry you in from outside. Don’t upset him. Eat something. After you’re done, I’ll go with you to find Master Jiang. A living person can always be found.”

“Hey…” My father’s hand also dropped, and he said with a bit of a slump, “Sanwa, Master Jiang is like a god in my eyes. They are most particular about fate. When fate is over, it is also over. But you, you always have to live, you know? Master Jiang taught you so much, and took you as his apprentice, because he wanted you to inherit his things. This is his kindness to you, and you have to repay him.”

My father was such a kind and honest person. I was a little sad, and I really wanted to cry, but I couldn’t. My heart was still aching. I just picked up the bowl and ate the porridge my mother had made for me, bite by bite.

My parents even moved into the Bamboo Grove for my sake. I really didn’t want to be a burden to them at my age, but I couldn’t help feeling sad.

I didn’t go looking for my master because I knew I wouldn’t find him. I had already figured it out. He had deliberately left, and I finally understood why he had looked at me that way that day.

I don’t know what the reason was that made him leave without saying goodbye. Maybe I’m old enough now that I can’t say that my master’s departure was abandonment, but I really can’t accept it emotionally. I stubbornly think that such a departure without saying goodbye is abandonment.

I tried my best to figure out the reason, but I just couldn’t.

Sad things always come in bunches. On the third day after my parents moved in, Brother Chengxin came to the door. He was as unshaven as I was, and the first thing he said to me was, “My master is gone. Don’t say anything. I can tell from the way you look that your master is gone too. But Uncle Li told us to wait at the Bamboo Grove.

I didn’t ask any questions, and we were both very quiet.

That afternoon, Chengzhen came, crying and sobbing. Needless to say, it was because Master had disappeared. Again, I was told to wait at the Bamboo Grove.

Then, the next day or the day after that, I can’t remember, Qin Huai came, holding the tearful Huigen. Huigen saw me and immediately threw herself into my arms, crying, “I’ll never eat cake again.”

Qinhuai told me with some sadness that one day, Master Hui came to him with Hui Gen, saying that Hui Gen wanted to eat cake. He didn’t have as much money as Qinhuai, so he asked Qinhuai to take Hui Gen to have a good meal of cake.

I knew that Master Hui had also disappeared in such an irresponsible manner. I was 27 years old, but unfortunately, Huigen was only 13 years old.

Finally, Ru Xue and Ru Yue came.

I never wanted to see Ru Xue like this, but this is how I saw her. Ru Xue didn’t say anything, and in front of countless pairs of eyes, she hugged me from behind. She said, “Don’t look back. You should treat this as a friend’s encouragement to you to pull yourself together. I’m very sad that my great-aunt is gone, but she mentioned something to us. She told me that I was afraid that according to your master’s personality, he would leave without saying goodbye. She said that you would be very sad, and she asked me to come and tell you to pull yourself together.

At that moment, I didn’t turn around, but tears finally rolled down my cheeks. It turns out that crying is so good.