Chapter 37: Pain that cuts to the bone

Downstairs, after such a long journey, Su Rou and Qin Huai had fallen asleep on the sofa. I and Cheng Xin were standing under the large window on the first floor. We were both a bit speechless. I wanted to ask him something, but I didn’t know how to ask, and he probably wanted to tell me something too. We both walked to the window at the same time with a tacit understanding.

The atmosphere of silence was a bit uncomfortable. I took out a pack of cigarettes from my pocket, took one and put it in my mouth, and then handed one to Chengxin.

He smiled gently as usual, then declined the cigarette I offered him, saying, “I don’t smoke.”

The atmosphere fell silent again. Cheng Xin touched his chin and eventually he spoke first. He asked me, “Do you remember that time at the party when you mentioned that our master lived for more than 300 years?

I nodded, but I didn’t know why Brother Chengxin asked about this.

But for us, his disciples, our master is undoubtedly an idol who radiates light from every pore of his body, and is also a mysterious idol. It is not strange to talk about him. At least I was surprised, but I didn’t think much about it.

“Chengyi, I think my master has something on his mind. Not just my master, but also several of the uncles. Especially in recent years, I feel that my master is not right. He often tells me things, as if he is giving me a final account. This feeling is not good.” Chengxin suddenly changed the subject and brought it up again.

I didn’t expect that Brother Chengxin also had such feelings. He turned out to be as sensitive as I am! But in fact, he is more careful than I am. His words made me think of my master’s words and deeds in recent years. Indeed, it was as if he was giving me a briefing.

I said, “Yes, I have the same feeling.”

Chengyi, it’s not that I don’t want to tell you about your master. I personally think that we younger people should join forces and ‘care’ about our master’s affairs. If they want to do something stupid, we have to stop them, right? So, in private, if I really know something, I will definitely tell you. This is at least my idea. What I want to tell you is that my master and several uncles have been disappearing and reappearing a lot lately. The other day, you had an accident, and my master was actually quite worried, but he couldn’t get away from something. Later, I got in touch with him on the phone, and he said that we should fully support you, Uncle Jiang. He just let it slip.

I felt a faint sadness in my heart, and suddenly I was a little scared. I was scared that if two and a half years passed, what if my master didn’t appear in front of me? Exhaling a puff of smoke, I asked, “What do you think my master and they will do something stupid?”

“I don’t know, I always feel that it has something to do with our master. When I think of the village they mentioned, all of the people there are dying, I think of our master who lived for more than 300 years. I can’t help but think about it, and seeing their solemn faces, I always feel that what they are about to do may be a foolish thing. Brother Chengxin’s brows furrowed lightly, and a rare trace of sadness appeared in his eyes.

“If they do something stupid for their master, we might also do something stupid for our master. Who knows what will happen in the future? The master is like a father, so what’s wrong with risking your life for your father?” After saying this, I flicked the cigarette butt in my hand out the window. The cigarette butt drew a beautiful arc in the sunlight before landing.

Just like this, once it touches the ground, it will take root, just like a promise.

“Well, the master is like a father,” said Chengxin, but his words were no less weighty than mine.

At this time, we guessed that everything about the master had to do with that village, but later, we realized how naive that guess was. That huge net had been cast over our family from the very beginning of our lives.Taoist priest

Su Rou and Qin Huai went to Yunnan. It’s been almost a month. When I think about the time we said goodbye, Su Rou actually said that two years later, I would come back to be a rich man, which made me laugh.

Qin Huai’s behavior was not much better. He kissed the pillar at the train station and shouted, “Big Beijing, wait for me to come back in two years.”

I didn’t expect Qinhuai’s grandfather to be so easily persuaded, and he agreed to let Qinhuai go to Yunnan in one fell swoop.

I also didn’t expect Su Rou’s parents to be so gullible, believing that Su Rou was going to Yunnan to do big business and wouldn’t be home for two or three years.

Compared to them, I felt more uncomfortable. No matter what Uncle Li said about the rules, I could not let go of my parents. I did not understand the rules, and I did not want to understand them. I felt that I could only avoid contact with them to avoid any suffering. So I called my family before I went to Hangzhou with Uncle Chen.

“Dad, I won’t be coming home from now until the winter of 1993. I’ll see how things are going during the Spring Festival of 1994 and come back, okay?”

“Why?” My father’s voice suddenly rose on the other end of the phone, clearly with a hint of anger. Then, without giving me a chance to speak, he shouted, “You little brat, are you so far away from home that you’ve lost your mind? Your master said you could spend a month with us every year, so why don’t you come back? Why did you and your mother have to give birth to you? What’s the difference between having a son and not having a son? If you don’t come home, don’t call me your father.”

I listened to my father scolding me on the other end of the phone, and for no reason my eyes began to well up. Yes, what difference does it make whether or not I was born? It would have been better if I had never been born. Not only did I fail to fulfill my filial duties, but I also brought them such a burden, and my longing even caused them trouble.

Then I heard my parents arguing on the other end of the phone, and then my mother took the phone and said to me, “Sanwa, don’t listen to your father’s nonsense. Tell me, why don’t you come home? No matter what happens, the family will still protect you, right? Your father and I are old now, we’re not afraid of anything. If something happens, just come home. I’ll take care of you.”

Listening to my mother’s words, I was on the other end of the phone, biting my fist, trying not to cry. My fist even had a bloody mark from biting it, but how could I suppress the lump in my throat? I took the phone off the hook and tried to breathe deeply… My chest was heaving, and it took a long time to calm down. I didn’t want them to worry, so I tried to speak to my mother in a cheerful tone, “Mom, is your son so useless? Does he need his family to protect him when he goes out and gets into trouble? It’s not what you think, but you know, my master is going to be gone for three years, but the country has a mission. Mom, this is a state secret, so don’t tell anyone. I can’t go home for a few years because I have to go on a mission. I’m afraid you’ll worry, so I’m calling you, which is against the rules.

My mother was very nervous on the other end of the phone and said, “Ah? It’s a matter of state, so we won’t talk about it anymore…” Then I heard my father asking over and over again what the matter of state was, and then he was scolded by my mother.

I felt a little relieved, but then I heard my mother say hesitantly, “Son, I’m still worried about where you’ll work. After all, what can be compared to the iron rice bowl of the state when it comes to doing business with pork? You’ve been recruited by the state, which is a good thing. I support you. I just want to know, what is your mission? Can you call home normally?”

As soon as my mother finished speaking, my father shouted from the side, “What kind of phone call? Think about what kind of master our son is? What kind of skills has our son learned? This old woman, how can she not have any knowledge? Don’t drag your son down.”

Then I heard my mother and father arguing. My tears kept flowing. I suddenly felt that I was really a troublemaker. I quickly spoke in a normal voice and said, “Mom, I’m not going to say anymore. I can’t talk on the phone for too long. I’m not allowed to contact him normally, but I’ll try my best.”

Then I hung up the phone like I was running away, and in front of the public phone owner, I squatted down and cried.

The boss said to me in a soft voice, “No matter what trouble this young man gets into, he will always come home. You know, in this world, no one can harm you, not even your parents. They have to protect you.”

I knew I had lost my temper, so I didn’t say anything. I stood up, wiped away my tears and left.

I wasn’t afraid that my parents wouldn’t protect me, I was afraid that I would get them into trouble. If something happened to them because of me, I thought I would go crazy and maybe even go to that village to kill myself.

It has been almost a month since then, and even now, when I think of that phone call, my heart still aches. I haven’t had any contact with my family for a month, and I’m worried that my parents are missing me. I can’t sleep well at night, but I can’t think of a better reason.

“Chengyi, isn’t this West Lake beautiful?” Chengxin’s words interrupted my thoughts. It was good that he interrupted me, so that I wouldn’t have to think about the cruelty of not being able to contact my parents for three years.

One eight years, another two years, and there are still many more decades in my parents’ lives.

I forced myself to hold back my worries and smiled as I said to Chengxin, “Yes, the West Lake is beautiful. Is today the last time you’re going to take your medicine?”