Chapter 5: A Heart

“You are calmer than I thought. It’s only natural to cry at this time, isn’t it?” Jiang Yi didn’t rush to answer my question, but instead asked me a question.

My expression was calm, but secretly I wanted to see something in Jiang Yi’s expression, to see what he meant by asking me this question? I had no choice but Jiang Yi’s expression had always been very little change, even the eyes are also watertight not to reveal any emotions, unless the voice is special, otherwise it is the news broadcast, I can’t see a clue.

However, I still answered him, using the answer I had long wanted to give. My voice was helpless and sad: “I really want to cry, but I can’t. You know, no matter which branch, the Shan branch is the most skilled fighter, and it always has to support the branch. No matter what happens in the future, our branch is a cycle, and it will always enter the ‘Kunlun Curse’. What do you think I am qualified to cry about?”

Jiang Yi said, “The Kunlun Curse? This place is so far away that even the most powerful cultivators can’t reach it. You call it a curse? It’s just that it’s better to cry it out. Not crying is what’s really sad and heartbreaking. It’s not even the fact that your heart isn’t in the right place that’s the problem.”

“Yes, I can’t cry. I’m in a daze, I don’t even know if I’m sad or not.” When I said this, my voice was incredibly decadent. It was the truth, but I also deliberately said it. After watching the DVD, I felt that I should do this.

Originally, I had questions to ask Jiang Yi. For example, in Lu Fanming’s statement, Kunlun seems to only recognize power, which is very inconsistent with the Taoist paradise in my mind, but I won’t ask at this moment.

I looked blank, as if I had already fallen into a deep sorrow, but in my heart, I don’t know why, I always thought of a sentence, “I’m thinking, does this matter have any meaning for me in China? People, the value is in knowing oneself, the value is in knowing oneself! No reason? It was just a simple instinct that made me think of this sentence, but after thinking about it for a long time, I still couldn’t understand the taste of it, so I just didn’t think about it anymore.

Jiang Yi stood in the room and looked at me quietly for a while. Finally, he came over, patted my shoulder, and said, “You, don’t be too sad.”

I was dumbfounded and didn’t answer, while Jiang Yi sighed and began to collect the materials he had brought me. At this point, I finally reacted, looked up at Jiang Yi, and said with a sad and longing look in my eyes, “Can’t you leave me one?”

Jiang Yi said, “This information is also confidential. After you’ve seen it, you can just remember it. Besides, the DVD should be able to comfort you. I’ve seen it, and I know that your master really misses you.”

Have you seen it? I think so.

I thought to myself, but my eyes and expression became disappointed at the same time. Jiang Yi put away the information and said, “My time is limited. I have to go first, but I still want to tell you that if you can’t hold it in, it’s better to cry.”

In the past, I would have been moved by this kind of concern from an older generation, but at the moment, my heart was filled with worries and doubts, and I was on guard without realizing it. But a tear finally slipped from my eye. I wasn’t doing it for Jiang Yi to see, but I was still sad.

The sound of the door closing, the footsteps gradually receding, Jiangyi left.

I wiped away the tears on my face and my expression returned to normal. I think my master should be able to understand that when I think of you, it is no longer a cry of youth, but a sign of maturity and a deeper longing that has become my motivation and breathing habit.

You miss your master so much, don’t you?

That morning, the paper that fell from the window had messy handwriting on it 鈥� Kunlun!

Autumn rain is always like this. After a day of rest yesterday, it started to drizzle again this morning.

I was wearing a black shirt, black pants, and sunglasses, letting the rain fall on my shoulders. I stood in the cemetery with a calm and sad expression, next to Xiaobei, Yuanyi, and Gao Ning.

“That’s it. Hui Gen was forcibly taken back to his master’s school by his fellow disciples, saying that his skills were not yet perfected and that he had to suspend his studies for a year. As for Qiangzi, he has not yet perfected his skills and is not free to move. But they said that the anniversary of his death will always come a year later. In the next few months, I’m afraid I won’t be able to come every month. I have things to do, but I don’t think you’ll blame me. Don’t be lonely, because I can’t forget you two brothers in this life. It’s really hateful to think about how you can die? I’m talking about me. When I talk about the end, I always think of the back of Lao Hui rushing back, and I always think of Hongzi coming out of his hiding place and saying to me, “Chengyi, I’m actually dead.”

I didn’t want to let this sadness spread, so I opened the bottle of wine I had brought with me and poured it out in front of Lao Hui and Hongzi’s graves. Then I took a big drink myself, and handed the bottle to Xiaobei, who was standing next to me.

After the big battle, after recuperating in the hospital, Xiao Bei’s body was fine, but his white hair would never turn back. He also took a big drink of wine and shouted in a tone of repressed sadness: “It’s great!”

A bottle of strong, burning knife that Yuan Yi brought from the north was passed around in our hands, and there was only a bottle of bottom left. The rest of the wine, I poured it on the graves of Lao Hui and Hongzi, and lit a few cigarettes, placing them on the graves of Lao Hui and Xiaobei. I said, “Light the cigarettes, drink the wine, and talk about the things that have happened in the past few months.”

I simply sat cross-legged in front of the graves of Lao Hui and Hongzi, and the rest of the brothers also sat down.

In the autumn rain, in such a solemn place in the cemetery, we began to chat in a low voice, talking to ourselves or talking nonsense, occasionally laughing a little. Maybe to others, we looked like crazy people.

But, one’s own feelings, or all feelings, only need to comfort oneself, so why must others understand? It doesn’t matter, and I don’t care!

When we came out of the cemetery, the drizzle had stopped and a touch of sunset was hanging in the sky. We had been in the cemetery from morning to evening, and the three bottles of baijiu that Yuan Yi had brought had been drunk without us noticing.

“I’m going back now. My girlfriend is waiting for me to eat dinner. I guess I’ll get scolded for the smell of alcohol on my breath.” It was Xiaobei who said this. After going through so much, he finally regained his shyness under the influence of time, just like when he first met her.

“I’m leaving too. My parents are waiting for dinner at home.” Gao Ning was talking. Like Xiaobei, he lived in the city.

Most of the people in the department live in this city.

“I’m leaving too. I’m taking a flight tonight. It’s rare that Xier has time to spend two days with me, and I have time too.” Yuan Yi’s older brother said casually.

I laughed. After the war, these “healers” who are so magical in the eyes of ordinary people also live ordinary days, and some also have ordinary happiness. I laughed. Shouldn’t the remaining brothers be happy to have such happiness?

And Lao Hui, Hong Zi… May your souls be at peace. They are at peace, right? My master once said that they are all people with sublimated souls. I remembered the smile on Hong Zi’s face when he left, but he took out his cell phone and called Qin Huai to come pick us up. He said, “Yuan Yi, I’m going to the airport too. Let’s go together and have Qin Huai pick us up. It’ll be faster.”

Yes, I have already booked a ticket to Yunnan. This time, thinking about it, I smiled because I was going to pick up Ru Xue. Brother Cheng Xin insisted that I pick up Ru Xue and then go to the Northeast to meet him.

I understand what he means, and Ru Xue and I tacitly approve of his arrangement. How could we not approve?

After the sadness, there will always be happiness, just like now!

Just like life, we are not qualified to complain about the unfairness of fate, because who does not have a trace of happiness in their life? No matter how much or how little that happy time is, it is always happy. Think about being happy for happiness, not sad for adversity. What you think about, you will naturally see and feel.

So, no wonder the master once said, “Whether you laugh or not, it’s all in your heart.”