Chapter 159: The Holy Maiden and the Lama

“Why?” Lushan was silent in the face of my question, as if he was very reluctant to recall this period, and the expression on his face also revealed pain.

I was silent… Opening up wounds is not something everyone can face, and I decided that if Lushan didn’t want to talk about this, I wouldn’t listen.

But after two cigarettes, Lushan finally spoke up: “That year, I was 20 years old and had been at the monastery for more than three years, almost four years… I said before that I was very talented, perhaps because I inherited it from my mysteriously missing parents, but I had never met Pema in the first two years of my life at the monastery.”

“Huh?” When Lushan was telling me about his entry into the Lagan Monastery, he didn’t mention Baima. I only remembered this when he said it, so I was full of questions.

“It was because, although I was talented at that time, I was not qualified to meet the Holy Son and the Holy Virgin… It was not until the third year of my entry into the temple that Lagan Temple prepared a mysterious sacrificial activity, and I met Baima and also met Tao Bai.” Lushan licked his lips and told me about this.

“What mysterious sacrificial activity?” The key to this part of the story is definitely not a sacrificial activity, but I don’t know why I instinctively want to grasp this point.

“Oh, I’m not sure about that… You know that every religion has its own heritage and culture. Tibetan Buddhism, for example, believes in the various Buddhas of Western Paradise, while Taoism has its own gods and immortals… And that ritual…” Lu Shan frowned slightly as he said this, and then organized his words and said, “I feel that the sacrifice is not what the Buddhists believe in, but is more similar to something mentioned in Taoist culture… The sacrifice is said to be a sacrifice to some immortals who came out of a mysterious place. In short, it is the biggest secret of the Lagan Temple. I don’t know much.”

Lushan shook his head at this point… and my heart was beating so loudly that it was almost obvious… It was as if some scattered clues were constantly forming in my mind. The once-good and sincere Lakang Temple, which had produced the greatest lama, had suddenly been transformed into such an evil temple. In Lushan’s narrative, it had committed almost every evil deed… and even my beliefs had changed here?

However, I couldn’t come to any conclusion for a while. Instead, Lushan asked me, “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, you can continue.” At this time, I believed even more in the magic of fate. Lu Shan and Tao Bai, who seemed to have nothing to do with us, suddenly burst into our lives. Looking back, where is this? Does fate arrange for everyone in life? Which one is not entangled with cause and effect? Which one is not full of mysterious meaning?

Lushan didn’t know my feelings, but continued, “That meeting was the first time I was qualified to see the mysterious sacrifice… It was also at that time that I saw the dressed-up White Horse, and standing next to her was Tao Bai, who had grown up and was almost 10 years old, also dressed up… Standing around them were all the most powerful senior members of the Lagan Monastery, and they were all respectful in their demeanor.”

“So did you recognize White Horse?” I asked. After years of searching, how excited must you have felt when you finally saw her? If it were me, I would have shouted out in joy and rushed up to recognize her. I was looking forward to this scene, so I asked Lushan.

Lushan shook his head and said, “Where is there a chance to recognize each other? When she was dressed up, she stood on the high platform so holy, just like a real heavenly goddess descending to earth… and I am just an ordinary monk at the Lagang Temple, and I have the precepts and rules on my body. Even if the monks at the Lagang Temple don’t follow them in private, but… she is a holy woman, do I still dare to have any blasphemous thoughts? Chengyi, I don’t have your kind of grace. Maybe the person you care about, whether it’s a beggar or an emperor, you may be the same as always. In this regard, your old Li lineage seems to be free from worldly concerns… but I really can’t.

“You mean that the moment you saw Baima, you felt inferior again, just as you did when you first saw her as a child?” I couldn’t help but ask with a raised eyebrow. Indeed, I couldn’t understand Lu Shan’s mentality. Lu Shan’s summary of the characteristics of our Li family is really a summary, right? This is also the equal education that my master gave me from a young age. I hold a reverent heart for all things, so all things are equally equal in our eyes.

“Yes, that kind of psychology… made me very excited for a moment, but I didn’t dare to recognize her. In the past, it took a long time for me to get close to Baima and eliminate my sense of distance, but when she appeared in front of me in her best clothes, that invisible distance opened again… So, in that emotional situation, I didn’t dare to recognize Baima. But how could the affection and friendship of so many years be fake? In the end, I summoned up the courage and was about to call out Baima’s name…” Lushan paused here, his emotions somewhat stirred, as if he had returned to that year and saw Baima again.

“So, what was Baima’s attitude?” It turned out that they had finally recognized each other. I was curious to see what attitude Baima would have when she really came looking for Lushan.

“Oh, we didn’t recognize each other.” Lushan denied me at this time. Without waiting for me to ask, he continued, “In fact, Baima discovered me the first time. When I wanted to recognize her, she looked at me without saying a word, but I could read the warning in Baima’s eyes, telling me not to recognize her. Even when no one else was paying attention, she shook her head at me gently.”

“Oh, I see. But what about Tao Bai? He’s so young, he probably didn’t know anything. Wouldn’t he be excited to recognize you?” I asked.

“Tao Bai was being led by Baima… He naturally recognized me, too. I saw him almost about to call out to me, but then for some reason, he didn’t say anything… At that moment, I didn’t know what Baima had done.” Lushan shook his head and said that Tao Bai had not recognized him at that time, either.

“Did Baima already sense that something was wrong at the Lakang Monastery?” I couldn’t help but ask, otherwise such behavior would be too strange.

“No, Baima didn’t sense anything wrong with the Lagan Monastery… If I had been older and entered the Lagan Monastery earlier, if…” This seemed to have hit Lu Shan’s sore spot, and he suddenly became very painful. On such a night, I turned my head and saw that his whole face was red because of this pain, and the veins on his neck bulged out.

“So what?” I couldn’t help but ask.

“It was because Pema wanted to protect me… In the year she said goodbye to me, she officially became a holy woman, and what is a holy woman? Naturally, she is a holy and flawless being… Not to mention the fact that the Lhakang has rules against us practicing lamas, just her status as a holy woman would not allow her to have a friendship with a lama like me… Although Pema and I never talked about this kind of feeling, it was just like a friendship, a feeling of companionship, but a holy woman is too high up to be close to anyone.” Lushan explained to me.

“But, before that, you had been together for five years. Didn’t the Lakang Monastery know?” I was very surprised. If the Lakang Monastery cared so much about Pema, how could there have been such five years?

“Oh, yes, they knew… but those five years were five years of intentional training for Pema, five years of entering the secular world… This matter could not be allowed to progress any further when Pema was older, for fear that she would really become infected with worldly feelings. After all, when she was young, there would not have been so many. And Pema and her younger brother could not be separated… So, Pema’s five years of practice were actually five years of leaving the monastery and living in the grasslands, accompanied by a few powerful beings, but not monitored, and five years of letting nature take its course. Only when Pema was in danger would they appear after being notified in a special way. Lushan explained to me.

“That’s good?” I couldn’t imagine that the Lagan Monastery would let a holy woman go for five years.

“Good? What do you mean by good? It’s because they need a purer soul, not a foolish one… Do you understand what I mean? The people at the Lagan Monastery believe that only a holy woman who has walked into the world and seen the suffering of time can fully inspire compassion and pity for the world. Such a soul can be more holy and pure… and God blesses such a compassionate person, and her spiritual power is also greater and more powerful. Lushan explained this to me, and when he said this, his fists were already clenched.

“So that’s how it is.” Seeing Lu Shan like this, I dared not continue to ask, and could only say this lightly. I felt that Lu Shan’s pain and hatred were like a blazing fire. I sat next to him and felt the pain of that burning heart.

“In short, this is what happened behind the scenes… and when Pema stopped me from recognizing her, it actually left a deep wound in my heart. I thought that when Pema said goodbye to me that time, it wasn’t just our separation, but she was also saying goodbye to our friendship… and from then on, we didn’t recognize each other. Even so, how could I forget the warmth she brought me, the hope she brought me… and the first stirrings she brought me, the traces that were imprinted in the depths of my soul. So, despite my pain, I still didn’t have the courage to leave the Lagan Monastery… After I met Pema for the first time, I saw her often because of my status, but we had completely turned into strangers. It was a painful relationship… It lasted for more than a year, and when I was 20 years old, I had been in the Lagan Monastery for four years. Everything changed.” Lushan’s hands began to tremble.

“What happened to change?” I was actually still imagining Lushan’s pain at that time, but I didn’t want things to change again.

“Lagang Temple is going to hold the biggest sacrificial ceremony, also known as the most sacred event… During that event, the declared slogan is to make the holy woman eternal, and her mercy will shine on the world forever.” Lu Shan’s face contorted, and he even gasped for breath when he got to that point.

I, too, suddenly felt like I couldn’t bear to hear any more… I already foresaw that this would be a tragic tragedy.