Chapter 170: The Beginning
I should be happy for my master… but I am saddened by my own emotions.
The best ending is that Master will not be scattered to the four winds. Although I am not sure if everyone in this world really has reincarnation, just like the past and present lives of me and Daotongzi cannot be used as a universal basis to prove the existence of reincarnation…
I don’t know if there is a netherworld, or a paradise, but I always believe that there is a place for the souls of the world… There is a different level of heaven, or a sublimation, or a complete destruction.
I know a lot about Master’s life… I think Master should be able to find greater hope on his new journey…
In this world, many people believe that good people don’t live long, and that the evil ones will be around for a thousand years. And the orthodox practitioners generally look down on this view. Because if life is a long movie, can you call it the end just after watching ten minutes?
In this world, I firmly believe that everyone is undergoing the process of reincarnation, a true competition of the survival of the fittest for the soul… Both Buddhism and Taoism never look only at this life, clinging to this life… Because the entanglement of cause and effect is so deep, even immortals cannot see every trace of cause and effect.
You can’t be sure that the bad guy’s good fortune in this life is not consuming all his good fortune from his previous life and this life… and then he will never be able to escape from his fate.
You can’t be sure that the suffering of a good person in this life is not a test from heaven to complete his ascension. The ancients understood this truth… When heaven entrusts a great task to a person, it must first…
I understand all of these principles very well… I should be happy for my master… but the trembling of my body shows that my sorrowful emotions absolutely occupy the entirety of my heart.
Emotions are the greatest suffering in the world… I finally understood the meaning of these words.
Chengyi, don’t be sad… Let’s watch the sunrise together with Master. Maybe this is something that will never happen again in this life… Although what I said was a bit sad, do you still remember what I said to you back then? Thinking without being able to achieve, remembering without being able to act… is suffering, but if you are destined to be together, perhaps the person you are waiting for will be waiting for you at the next intersection, and will accompany you for a while… as long as the fate is not over, people will not be separated… no matter if it is in this life, or in the next life… the road is very long, very long…” Master’s words echoed in my ears, and he put down the bag he was carrying and took out a charcoal stove from it.
The warm light of the fire gradually melted the ice on my fingertips… I don’t know if it was because of the master’s words or this small charcoal stove, but the sadness in my heart finally melted a little… In fact, I also understand that people always have to face separation. What I care about is not the length of time, but the warmth of every moment we spend together.
I already have a lot…
Tonight, my master had a lot to say… From when I was little, he talked about his own childhood… Whether it was happy memories or painful memories… After experiencing it, he could talk about it with some ridicule and peace of mind.
My tears gradually stopped… and a smile slowly appeared on my face. I began to chat with my master… Under the warm glow of the fire… time seemed to have traveled back again and again. My master became the man he was 20 years ago, and I became the young Chen Chengyi…
The background seemed to be blurring… a little bit transparent, taking us through the mountains and rivers… back to the bamboo hut that I had always dreamed of… I could smell the bamboo leaves and hear the rustling of the bamboo forest… the murmuring of the water, bringing peace to the heart.
“Master, I feel like I’ve returned to the bamboo hut…” At this moment, at the end of the sky, the first beautiful red streaks have already appeared… It’s intoxicating. Unconsciously, my master and I have been talking all night.
“Really? Where the heart is… that is where the person is… Close your eyes and you will find your heart, so it doesn’t matter if you are drifting.” The master laughed heartily, his voice full of cheerfulness.
At this moment, a red sun finally leapt out from the end of the mountain range over there… with a golden light that crumbled, it spread over the entire earth… and also landed in the eyes of my master and me.
“It’s another sunrise.” The master stood up… the wind died down… the fire in the charcoal stove gradually grew weaker and weaker until it disappeared, leaving only a wisp of smoke.
In the light smoke, I wanted to smile at my master… but at this moment, a voice full of guilt suddenly sounded in the depths of my soul: “Chen Chengyi, I’m sorry, I’ve been trying to suppress it, trying to let you and the master stay together for a while, but I’ve done my best.”
The little Taoist monk… a bitter feeling welled up in my mouth, and then… I felt my own will begin to blur, as if another person had taken over my brain, and countless chaotic memories began to merge with me… I became a little disoriented… and even a little confused about who I was?
The figure of the master was still shrouded in light smoke… but it seemed to be getting farther and farther away from me… but I always remembered that he was Jiang Lichun, my master… the greatest pillar of my heart.
“Chen Chengyi, when you have completely integrated my memories… your own will will become weaker and weaker, and you will think that you are me, doing things my way, seeing the world through my eyes… At that time, your will will also… I’m sorry, in fact, between you and me I can’t tell whose will is better. I just have to accept it. But I hope you don’t give up. I heard what your master said. What’s right is right, and what’s wrong is wrong.
After this outbreak, it is impossible for us to be as strange as multiple personalities, with two people living in one body and being able to talk like this… I am like what Daotongzi said, I will completely sink, and then slowly melt… just like a snowman in winter.
I won’t give up… But how can I not give up? I have no answer in my heart… At this moment, I suddenly raised my arm under Tao Tongzi’s influence, wanting to grab Master… as if to grab the warmest support.
“Chengyi…” Master suddenly turned around and saw me half-raising my arm, but I was frozen in place.
I could feel the guilt in the way that Daotongzi looked at the Master… and sometimes, how much I wanted to call out to him again, and how sad I was in my eyes…
Master took a step forward and suddenly held my hand. His hand was trembling at first… but then it became extremely firm. He only said one thing to me: “Chengyi, I will wait for you to come back and take care of me. I don’t want anyone else, just you… because you are my disciple! I believe you will come back, and it won’t be too long.”
“Master Jiang, I’m sorry…” Daotongzi said with a guilty heart, but he didn’t know that at this moment my will suddenly soared to the sky… I tightly held my master’s hand, looked at him, and a tear rolled down my cheek. Sometimes, isn’t believing in something a burden?
I finally whispered, “Master…” But the next moment, the souls of the Taoist and I felt a certain kind of pain… It was so deep that it went straight to the heart and directly impacted the soul… Our shared body suddenly felt a severe headache, and we both chose to cover our heads and began to scream in agony…
Then, the world slowly began to darken… The golden morning sun slowly disappeared… The worried but calm face of my master was the last thing I saw… Then, the excruciating pain caused both me and the Taoist acolyte to fall into a coma…
In the blur, I heard my master say to me, “Come, Chengyi, I will carry you down the mountain.”
Going down the mountain? Such a steep mountain… Is he carrying me down?
Time began to lose its meaning… In the infinite descent, I kept searching for myself… I didn’t know when I was born, only that I was saved by a great master who was also worshipped here after I fainted from hunger on a snowy night.
There is no place that is truly a fairyland… maybe there is, but at least this place is not… I just know that this place is probably closer to the Tao than many places, and is full of opportunities… it is the blessing of many lifetimes to be able to get here.
But what kind of blessing was there in my birth? I don’t know my parents, and I was starving. Is this really the place that many people aspire to? After coming to the Taoist temple for so long, I still often think about this question. I haven’t asked the Master, but he always tells me to find the answer myself, and he just smiles and doesn’t answer.
Only once did he tell me that the end of the Tao is the fairyland, and that once you reach the end, you can walk out… Do you understand? If the fairyland you want is absolute fairness, then by devoting yourself to the Tao, you can see the fairness behind all the unfairness.
The Master’s words are always so profound and unfathomable, but at that time, they planted a seed of Tao in my heart… I want to go to the end of the Tao to take a look. I want to see what kind of place it is that has absolute fairness behind unfairness…
Although the experience of starving as a child left such a deep mark on my soul that I developed a near-cult-like obsession with food… I felt that I would eventually get over it.
“Since you are so determined to follow the Dao, why don’t you just call yourself Cheng Dao?”
Yes, my name is Chengdao… it is my Taoist name, and it is also the name of this nameless orphan from now on!
Chengdao? No… my name is Chen Chengyi!
A strong struggle suddenly arose in my heart… I seemed to have a lot of past memories, very chaotic… my head hurt… I didn’t want to think about it anymore… I struggled and suddenly woke up.
I was lying on the ground in a simple cave. Everything seemed strange. Where was I? I could only think about that question. As for the question of who I was, I put it aside for the time being!
“After three days of unconsciousness… you finally woke up, Master?” An old, cold voice sounded in my ear.
I turned my head and saw an old man. The white robe he was wearing was so dirty that I could hardly see the color. But I was not unfamiliar with him. I had seen him before.
I didn’t rush to think about who he was, but instead asked, “I’ve been unconscious for so long?”
“In terms of time, it hasn’t been long… but in terms of the situation, it’s been a long time… With the issuance of the Snow Mountain token, before the real battle, the minor collisions between the various parties have already begun, and you don’t have much time.”