Chapter 67: Despair
In my silent frown, the man seemed to finally come to his senses, put away the wooden sign, paused for a moment, and then said, “Not long, about three hours.”
Three hours? The boat had just passed the backwater bay and was still wandering behind the high hill? What speed was the boat going?
“Are you surprised?” the middle-aged man asked me with a raised eyebrow.
“Yes, I’m surprised at the speed of the boat.” I was a little confused and almost answered subconsciously because I couldn’t think of any other reason.
“Really?” The middle-aged man didn’t say anything to me, just stroked the sign in his hand, asked me a lukewarm question, and then looked up at me and said, “You should go down. In a while, the boat won’t be peaceful, and the chances of survival in the cabin are always greater.”
I always felt that something was wrong with this situation. A strong thought kept circling in my head. When I was about to walk into the square hole, I finally couldn’t hold back my thoughts. I suddenly turned around and ran toward the deck.
It wasn’t a question of speed, it definitely wasn’t a question of speed! I had only one thought in my head, and it seemed to me that it was very important to figure it out… I even thought of the scene I saw on the altar, that is, the water surface beyond the high slope. I had a feeling that I didn’t know if it was an illusion, that the boat would never get there.
My sudden burst of movement took the middle-aged man by surprise. He stood up abruptly, took two quick steps, and said, “You…”
But the cabin was not very big, and it was too late for him to react and stop me. In the short time it took, I had already rushed out of the house and onto the deck.
Then I was afraid that he would stop me, so I took a quick step towards the ship’s railing, and then looked at the water below the railing and began to stare blankly.
The sound of the Yellow River was ringing in my ears, and another, even stronger sound was the sound of the blood-red boat breaking through the water. The sound of the boat breaking through the water showed that the boat was not slow at all, and I looked up at the distance with a somewhat ugly face. I found that the hillside had formed a turn in front of me, but it did not prevent me from faintly seeing the river surface that I had seen on the altar before.
Looking into the distance, I could feel the speed of the boat, which was not slow at all, and was sailing quickly towards the bend in the mountain.
At this time, I heard footsteps behind me. I turned around and saw the middle-aged man. He looked at me with a somewhat complicated expression, as if he felt pity for me, but also seemed somewhat helpless.
“Why bother? It’s painful to know too much. This boat has been sailing on this route for so many years, and you are the first person to break the rules.” The middle-aged man said indifferently, but his words only seemed to be stating a fact, without the slightest anger.
“If you don’t follow the rules, what will be the consequences?” I asked this question. I wanted to enter the Ghost Beach. If this middle-aged man wanted to do something to me, even if the emperor and the god of heaven reappeared, I would fight with him to the death. The last one-in-ten thousand hope could not be given up.
How could I forget all my friends who were still on the altar? And the half-master who might be in the village? I had to break the spell. I had to go back!
“There are no consequences because I am just a boatman, I have no power to punish anyone! If there must be consequences…” He fell silent at this point, his eyes falling on the scenery outside the boat, and his eyes were again filled with an indescribable complexity.
I also subconsciously followed his gaze and looked out of the boat. At this time, the boat was passing the turning point of the hill. The turning point here was somewhat huge. Perhaps you could see the scenery beyond the turning point from a distance, but when you got closer to the turning point, you could only see the immediate surroundings.
I breathed a sigh of relief. No matter how strange things were, we had finally sailed here, and we were about to pass the turn of the hill. I had an indescribable feeling that after the turn, everything would be fine.
“If there is a consequence, it will only be the pain from the heart, that is to say, when a person is not afraid of death, but finds that he can never go back, that kind of despair.” The middle-aged man said in a very soft voice, as if he was being careful not to upset me.
I didn’t understand what he meant, but at that moment, the ship had already sailed past the turn, and without the oppression of the high slope, the sky was bright. I was just about to completely relax, but my heart tightened. I subconsciously looked up and looked at everything in front of me, and then… I couldn’t help but sit heavily on the deck.
What…! How could this be! How could this be! I don’t know how to describe what I saw in words. To put it simply, after passing that turn, I thought I would definitely arrive at a new place, but it turned out to be the same place I was in before!
Yes, I was back where I started, and even though I was exhausted, I knew I was not mistaken. The same high slope, every line of the vicissitudes of life unchanged, the same seemingly far turning point, even the curvature was not any different.
I wanted to laugh, and I wanted to comfort myself, just like the words in the poem, “When the mountain is exhausted and the water is exhausted, there is no way to doubt, and there is a village in the dark and the flowers are bright… Maybe this is what is behind it. The seemingly same scenery makes people think they are lost, but as soon as they pass the next turn, they find that it is just the same.
So I stubbornly remained silent, clenched my fists, and stared into the distance… The boat wasn’t moving slowly at all. There were many oars sticking out from the bottom of the cabin, rowing hard. How could it be slow? I knew this from the beginning when I climbed on board. Maybe that’s why I felt something was wrong just now?
So, the ship sailed quickly, and after about 20 minutes, it reached the turning point again. My heart began to beat rapidly, cold sweat began to seep from my clenched fists, and my throat was dry with nervousness…
Soon, the turn was over again. I closed my eyes at that moment, then slowly opened them with heavy breathing, then slowly raised my head and found that in front of me… it was the same scenery again.
At this time, I couldn’t help but let out a low howl, and punched the deck hard. The deck made a dull “thud,” and I couldn’t help but hold my head.
“So, why bother?” The middle-aged man rubbed the sign in his hand and walked quietly towards the cabin. A sigh came from his mouth and then dissipated in the air.
I finally understood that saying. I am not afraid of death, but I am afraid that I can never go back. If everyone discovers the truth in a strange scene, they can all experience this kind of despair.
But… I suddenly realized that something was wrong, and I suddenly got up and chased after the middle-aged man’s somewhat desolate back. I said loudly, “Isn’t there another way? Isn’t there? Like a ship that can turn around and go back? Right?”
“You will be disappointed.” The middle-aged man turned to look at me, and his eyes were even more compassionate.
“Does that mean we will just keep drifting here forever? Not growing old or dying? Just like this…? In desperation, I asked a question that made no sense. If he had answered yes, I would have jumped off the boat without hesitation, swimming on my own or whatever, but I didn’t want to be trapped on this hopeless boat.
“Of course not, but I don’t know how long we’ll be sailing like this. Even if we reach our destination, we won’t be able to get off the boat. Don’t you think so?” The middle-aged man seemed very nice. He didn’t seem to be affected by my agitation, but chose to answer my question patiently.
His words were somewhat obscure, but exceptionally clear. The implication was that the ship had sailed to its destination in such a strange way, so do you think there is any possibility of going back?
I was relieved. As long as the journey was not endless, there was still some hope. Even if the destination was a sea of fire and sword, after experiencing the strange feeling just now, I also felt like I was in heaven.
The middle-aged man saw that I had calmed down a bit and said quietly, “Go down, go where you belong. I also said that knowing too much is more painful than not knowing.”
But then I suddenly thought of a possibility and couldn’t help but say aloud, “I’m afraid things aren’t that simple. If you can’t go back, how did you end up in Backwater Bay? If… then…”
I didn’t know what to ask. There was a possibility that I was very close to understanding, but I couldn’t think of what it was.
The middle-aged man stopped again and looked at me and said, “I’ll repeat it one last time. Knowing everything is more painful than not knowing. If that’s the case, why should I tell you?”