Chapter 68: The years to come (1)

I didn’t know how to face my mother’s swollen eyes, nor did I know whether I should look at my father’s red, puffy eyes. My two sisters were silent, and tears were rolling in their eyes, because my master had said, “I will let Sanwa come to see you when I have time, but I cannot tell you where we are in Beijing. Sanwa is destined not to be able to reunite with his family, at least not until he is 39 years old.”

This is not my master being heartless, but rather my fate. If I were to cling to my family, it would only cause more karma for them and harm them.

My family knows this truth and respects my master. They have no complaints.

It is just that this reluctance is an emotion that cannot be suppressed no matter what.

The atmosphere at home was a bit silent and a bit depressing. This was something that I and my master had anticipated before we left the mountain. After discussing the matter of returning home yesterday, I have been restless and uneasy, but in the end I still have to face it.

“Sanwa, when you get home, let me explain everything. It will be better that way. When the time comes, don’t cry. Try to be calm and positive, so that your parents won’t feel worse.” These were the words my master said to me when we were leaving the mountain.

Although at the moment I was too sad to face my parents, I still forced myself to put on a calm face. I wanted to say something comforting, but I didn’t dare to speak, for fear that I would burst into tears.

My father coughed heavily, and my mother hurriedly got up and went to the back room. After a while, I saw my mother come out with a face washed and a thick stack of money in her hand.

At that time, there were no 100 yuan bills, and the largest denomination was the 10 yuan note, so this stack of money was really thick.

My mother handed the stack of money to Master Jiang and said, “Master Jiang, over the years, we have paid for Sanwa’s tuition and occasionally bought him some clothes. You have taken care of Sanwa’s food, clothing and expenses, and you helped us open this shop. We have never asked you to return the money, so it is time for us to repay you. Now my father and I are well off, and our two daughters have gone to university. The state is helping us. Please take this 10,000 yuan.”

Ten thousand yuan was a huge sum at the time. The only way to describe a wealthy family was to say that they were a “ten thousand yuan household.” You can imagine how much money this was.

My master didn’t say anything, just kept counting the money. After counting a portion of it, he handed it back to my mother: “Xiu Yun, Lao Chen, I only need 5,000. I’m already embarrassed to take this much. I won’t explain the rest. After all, there are some expenses for food, clothing, and living expenses, and there are three children studying abroad…”

In fact, I knew that the medicine my master made for me every night was quite expensive. He was worried that I would run out of medicine, otherwise he wouldn’t even want 5,000.

My mother insisted on giving the remaining 5,000 yuan to my master, but my master refused angrily: “Can’t you make money? He’s like a son to me, so don’t worry. I know you’ve made some money over the years, but the new store needs to be turned around. If you keep it, I’ll be angry.”

My parents were afraid of angering the old man, so they just kept quiet and took back the money.

Later I learned that the 10,000 yuan was almost all of my parents’ savings. They even used the money for purchasing goods, and were planning to borrow some from their neighbors to get through the difficult time.

After lunch, the master returned to the mountain. He told me to stay at home for three days and then return to the mountain to find him.

I understood my master’s intentions. He wanted me to stay with my parents for a while.

During those three days, I endured my sadness and tried to act happy. I told my parents some interesting stories and also told them about the Hungry Ghost Tomb intermittently. They loved listening to me.

Seeing them listening so attentively, I felt even more pain in my heart. God knows how much my son wanted to be with you, even if it was just to come home from school every day and tell you about the trivial things at school. Although it was not as exciting as the Hungry Ghost Tomb, I felt happy.

During those three days, I tried to eat every dish my mother made. My mother loved to see me gobble up food, so I did it for her. As long as she was happy, even if I was sad and couldn’t eat, I ate.

During those three days, I accompanied my father fishing, sitting there for an entire afternoon, even though I used to be so impatient with fishing. I also played chess with my father, even though I had already developed a good skill at chess while I was in the mountains, and my father was a terrible chess player, but I still played with him, happily.

During those three days, I accompanied my two sisters on their shopping trips. Even if they were just looking, not buying, I was patient and happy to accompany them. I liked the way they walked arm in arm with me on the street, and I liked the way they smiled sweetly and asked me, “Sanwa, is this nice?”

Every night, I would personally make footbaths for my parents. Every night, I would go and chat with my eldest sister and second sister…

I can’t express in words how much I love them, so I just do more and more. I suddenly understood the sadness of wanting to take care of one’s children but not being able to do so. I also suddenly understood that blood is thicker than water.

When I can’t sleep, I feel bitter and sad. I wonder when I will be able to eat my mother’s cooking again, and when I will be able to have my father hold me and say, “You’ve grown taller again.”

Three days later, I left. I don’t know how long it will be before we can be reunited as a family. Since the master does not disclose the address, my family and I cannot even exchange letters. I don’t know how helpless this is. I just think that as a parent, not knowing what is going on with your son outside is heartbreaking.

My mother didn’t say much, just handed me a large bag of clothes. I knew she had bought me clothes for all four seasons, and she said that I couldn’t go to Beijing looking like a mess.

After I took the luggage, my mother went back inside the house. I knew she was crying.

My two sisters both gave me a tight hug, and their tears were smeared all over my face. Later, I found out that they had each stuffed money into my pockets, totaling more than 300 yuan. I knew that it was their saved pocket money.

For someone who doesn’t have a job, this is definitely a lot of money. My two beautiful sisters don’t even like to dress up, but they had already saved up money for my departure.

My second sister, who is very careful, even wrote a small note, which said, “When you go to Beijing, don’t treat yourself badly. I’m afraid you won’t have money to buy snacks. It’s embarrassing to look at them stupidly.

When I saw it, I wanted to laugh. I was so old, how could I be staring at snacks like a fool? I just didn’t know how, but a drop of cold water made the note wet.

My father took me to the bus station. He had already pushed his bicycle out to the road and was waiting for me. When I had said goodbye to my mother and sisters, my father patted the back of the bicycle seat and said, “Come on, son, get on the bike. When I’m old, I don’t know if I’ll still be able to ride it.”

I didn’t cry. I couldn’t cry. I gritted my teeth and forced a smile on my face, pretending to be happy as I hopped onto the back of my father’s bicycle. How many weekends had he driven me home like this? But would he be able to do it next time?

Thinking about this, my heart trembled with tears. When I see my parents again, will they be old?

The winter wind blew my father’s hair, and I could clearly see a few gray hairs. My tears finally fell in big drops.

“Sanwa,” my father said, pedaling the bike.

“Mmm,” I wiped away my tears and tried to speak normally, but my voice still trembled.

“Do you know why men age faster and work harder than women?”

“Why?”

Because a man should not cry easily, even if he bleeds. If he has the mood to cry, it is better to make something of himself. This is my father’s hope, understand?

“I know.” I nodded. I knew my father knew I had cried, and he was trying to comfort me in his own way, while also expressing his hopes for me, hoping that I would not bring shame to the Chen family in Beijing.

“Actually…” my father’s voice trailed off.

“What actually?”

“Actually, I also want to cry.” Dad suddenly sped up on the bike, and I saw him quickly wipe his eyes.