Chapter 183

Ji Yu quietly listened to him, but her heart was getting harder and harder, as if she was even choking on her breath, her throat was gasping for air as if it was being pinched by a pair of invisible hands.

She grabbed his hand the moment he let go of it and squeezed her fingers into the cracks of his hand, clasping her fingers together.

“Jiu.” Ji Yu looked up at him.

The teenager’s eyes looked the other way, just refusing to look at her.

His condition had gotten much lighter, but he still wasn’t confident enough in front of the girl he loved; after all, not everyone could accept a mentally ill boyfriend, and this disease would be seen as a ticking time bomb for most ordinary people.

Because of this disease, it will make a person paranoid, will be insecure, will be prone to emotional outbursts, will be unusually sensitive.

If the disease can’t be controlled, his emotions just crumble and he becomes more and more controlling of those around him, to the point of suffocation, such as not being able to stand her talking to other men, such as not being able to stand her staying away.

Would she accept him if that was the case?

If she couldn’t accept it, if she were to leave, what would happen to him then? He’d probably go crazy, he thought!

However, if she really wanted to leave, he would rather go crazy and hurt himself than force her.

Because she was the girl he loved to the bone, how could he let her suffer a little bit?

Ji Yu’s heart is very bad, the teenager she likes should be wanton, not like now, the whole person’s mood is low, disillusioned and helpless.

“Jiu, look at my eyes. Okay?”

The teenager still refused to look at her, but he was very concerned about her reaction, afraid of seeing other emotions in her eyes.

Like pity, like contempt, like dislike.

Ji Yu looked up and cupped his face and turned it strongly towards herself, her voice gentle but firm, “Senior! What’s wrong with you? The one who is at fault is the driver of that dump truck, you are the most direct victim ah, your mom’s passing, as well as your condition, are not your fault.”

She could feel his emotional downturn and could detect the self-blame in his tone.

Although he had only stated this matter in extremely concise words, it contained one of the most painful life experiences in his life, as well as one of the most difficult times.

The Xu Xiaoxiao who lost her own life while trying her best to protect her child at the last moment, the Ling driver who hit the steering wheel hard the moment the car rushed by, and Ling Yuan who was protected by his mother and was unharmed, but who was burdened with the responsibility of killing his mother and fell into a state of deep self-reproach.

Each of them was so innocent.

She could feel the pain of being separated from her closest loved ones, not to mention, his mother’s eyes closing right in front of his eyes.

Anyone else would not be able to accept such a cruel scene.

Besides, he was just a five-year-old boy at that time.

What was wrong with him? What was wrong was that his moral threshold was too high and he was too hard on himself.

The higher the moral threshold, the more tired you will be.

And Ling Yuan is such a person.

He blamed himself for the fault of his mom’s death, as if he had put a shackle on himself, and that was why, despite all these years of treating his mental illness, he couldn’t get to the root of it.

She finally also knew why he was always cold when facing outsiders, it was because that year’s experience had taken away all his smiles ah!

Ji Yu’s heart became heavy and filled with a sense of powerlessness.

She turned sideways, leaned her body forward, hugged his waist, and as if soothing, gently patted his back, slightly tilting her head, ”Senior, I’m sorry, it’s all my fault. I shouldn’t have started this topic to remind you of sadness.”

“The deceased has passed away, I think, your mom must must have loved you very, very much, she used her own life in exchange for you to stay, just to tell you that in her eyes, your life is more important than her own, just with this fistful of love for her son, you can’t spoil her heart. So, you must be good, and don’t let her be uneasy over there as well. Okay?”

Ling Yuan lowered his eyes, the girl’s bright eyes were not compassionate, but full of love and a trace of undetectable worry, the little bit of lack of confidence that he had just had was instantly thrown away without a trace.

His girl, always so kind and understanding.

“Aren’t you afraid?”

This disease.

“Not afraid.” Ji Yu, one by one, gently patted his back, as if coaxing a child, whispering soothingly, “Isn’t it just an ordinary disease? It’s not like we can’t afford to cure it.”

Ling Yuan suddenly buried his head downwards, falling into the crook of her neck, his lips crossing her earlobe, bringing a warm touch.

He loved hearing her say “we”, it was as if their bloodlines were fused together, making the heart warm.

“What if it never gets cured?”

“It’s okay if it doesn’t work, in this society, there are so many people who are sub-healthy, some of them have a disease in one of their body organs, some of them have a disease in their mind, and not all of them are so lucky to be cured. Regarding PTSD, I’ve read the information before, and it says that as long as you cooperate with the treatment as well as active psychological counseling, not to say cured, at least it won’t become serious, if you’re afraid of it, I’ll accompany you to the treatment in the future, okay?”

She wanted to ask the doctor if there was anything she needed her help with then.

Speaking of this, she paused for a moment, an idea suddenly came up in her mind, then the more she thought about it, the more feasible she felt, it’s just that now is not the time, wait until she goes to college.

Ling Yuan inhaled the fragrance of her hair, lingering on the warmth of her body, becoming more and more reluctant to let go of his hand.

He was going to overturn what he had just said, no, add to it.

If her choice was to stay, then she would have to stay by his side forever, he couldn’t bear to live without her.

“Therapy isn’t nice, you don’t want to go.”

His face was buried in the crook of her neck, his words a little muffled.

He didn’t want her to see the ugly look of his treatment.

Ji Yu listens to his childlike words and can’t help but purse her lips and smile, gently stroking the back of his neck, her voice gentle, “Fine, don’t go, don’t go. However, if you’re scared, just tell me.”

I don’t know how long he hugged her before Ling Yuan reluctantly let go of her and looked at the girl, her gaze was gentle as water, her face rippled with a warm oceanic smile, like a small sun, dispersing the coldness in his body.

In fact, he had long wanted to confess this matter to her, just every time he wanted to say, and then dismissed the idea.

Perhaps it was that, no matter how confident a person was, in the face of his beloved girl, especially when revealing his disadvantages, he would always subconsciously worry about the other party’s degree of acceptance.

Especially, to re-tear the wounds of that year, for him, was a difficult task in itself, and every time he thought about it, the images in his mind flashed by like a movie frame by frame, with suffocating colors of blood pouring in from the sky.

It was very different from the brightness on the little girl beside him.