Chapter 1162 – The Key to Self-Knowledge
”What I want you to do is simple, if a doctor or nurse practitioner comes over to check on the room after I leave, you just need to pretend that you’re sleeping.” Zuo Han didn’t hold much hope for Chen Ge, “Don’t say any more than a single word, whatever he asks you, just say you don’t know.”
”It’s that simple?”
”En, in addition when I come back, you remember to open the door for me.” Zuo Han lay on the hospital bed and no longer bothered with Chen Ge.
Ten minutes later, Zuo Han glanced towards Chen Ge, then got up and walked to the door of the hospital room.
He quietly opened the door of the room a crack, and after seeing that there was no one in the corridor, he directly slipped out.
”This person is paranoid, and his various symptoms are indeed similar to being paranoid.” Chen Ge sat up from the bed, “Should I help him?”
Without bothering to think about it, Chen Ge had already sensed that Zuo Han’s departure tonight was not as simple as going to check out the hospital, which was likewise a test for him.
He didn’t trust Zuo Han, and Zuo Han didn’t completely trust him, in the eyes of a victimized paranoid person, the entire world was dangerous and a potential enemy.
Maintaining the original position, Chen Ge sat on the edge of the bed for ten minutes, and Zuo Han still did not come back.
He looked at the door of the room that was wrongly opened a crack, and dragging that plastered leg, he slowly walked to the door of the ward.
Pulling the door open, Chen Ge looked outside, the hospital’s corridors weren’t pitch black, the corners of the building and the nurses’ station where lights were on.
”It’s completely different from how I remembered the hospital, could that eerie and dark midnight hospital really be a figment of my imagination?”
Chen Ge was now able to grasp a good degree, he wouldn’t think deeply about anything, as long as he didn’t stimulate his past memories, his brain wouldn’t transmit the kind of pain that felt as if it was going to be torn apart.
”I don’t feel a headache when I think back on what happened during the day, but when I’m asked to try and recall what happened before I passed out, that pain comes out of nowhere, which is strange in itself.”
”What do the memories of what happened mean to me? Why does it hurt me just to think about it?”
After taking a large dose of medication, his body was incomparably weak, and he was also suffering from pain, but in just such a situation, Chen Ge still maintained his ability to think independently.
”In a way, Zuo Han and I are quite similar, he feels that everyone in the world is harming him, and I feel that everyone in the world is lying to me, could it be that we are really sick?”
Having symptoms so similar to those of a mentally ill person would be an indirect way of stating that one might be mentally ill as well.
”Being able to realize that I might have a disease means that I still have a sense of disease awareness, and that my self-knowledge has not diminished …… self-knowledge?” The three words that inexplicably popped up in his mind caused Chen Ge to freeze for a moment, “Why is the word self-knowledge so familiar to me? This thing seems to be incredibly important to me, I need self-knowledge, I need something with self-knowledge!”
Pain came like a tidal wave, Chen Ge seemed to have touched his previous memories again, countless fragments of memories crashed together in his mind, the pain was so intense that he almost fainted.
Chen Ge grasped the bed rail with both hands and clenched his teeth.
Blood was already flowing from his teeth, but he still didn’t make any sound.
”Why am I so impressed with the three words Self-Knowledge?!”
Consciousness began to blur, and if Chen Ge continued to think about it, he wouldn’t just get a headache, he might just faint.
Taking a deep breath, Chen Ge tried his best to calm himself down, he followed the breathing method taught by Dr. Gao and tried several times over and over again before the pain in his brain finally eased.
In just a few minutes, Chen Ge’s back was already wet with cold sweat, and his body became even weaker.
”If I faint, will the other me appear? Will I be able to talk to him?”
As Chen Ge was preparing to go back to his hospital bed, footsteps suddenly sounded in the corridor.
”Zuo Han is walking without a sound, it should be the caretaker coming over.”
Chen Ge still remembered Zuo Han’s words, he lay down on the hospital bed and started pretending to be asleep, after about ten seconds or so, the footsteps stopped at the entrance of the hospital room.
Eyes narrowed, Chen Ge stared at the door of the room, he didn’t get nervous, let alone feel any uneasiness, it was at this time that he realized that he was ridiculously good mentally.
”Boom.”
Someone gently knocked on the door of the room, followed by the sound of footsteps as the person outside the door left.
”What do you mean? Running over at three or four in the morning to knock on the door and then leave? Is this an escort prank?”
The person outside the door did not come in, and this became the point that confused Chen Ge the most: “Who was the person who knocked on the door? The caretaker? Zuo Han? A doctor? Or other patients in the hospital?”
After another moment, the door to the ward was pushed open and Zuo Han walked in with a cold face.
”Did it go well?”
”This hospital is huge, it’s a general hospital, and the third ward we’re in is just a very small part of it.” Zuo Han walked over to Chen Ge’s bedside and reached out to gesture, “If you compare the hospital to a pillow, we’re probably in this corner.”
”Do you have the confidence to escape?” Chen Ge was more concerned about this, the inexplicable knocking on the door just now had given him a sense of urgency, as if something even worse would happen if he stayed here for too long.
”No.” Zuo Han’s answer was very dry: “There is a surveillance installed at the entrance of the building, there are three caretakers and two nurses in our building to watch over it twenty-four hours a day, and the door to leave the hospital is locked, and the key is not known to be in anyone’s possession.”
”Key?” At the mention of a key, a bolt of lightning seemed to cross Chen Ge’s mind, and he was like a drowning man suddenly grasping a straw, “I need a key!”
”Right, without a key, we can’t run out at all.” Zuo Han felt that Chen Ge’s tone was strange, he didn’t continue to communicate with Chen Ge and returned to his hospital bed.
”Aren’t you going to sleep?” Chen Ge realized that Zuo Han was still wearing his clothes and shoes, lying on his side on the bed with no intention of going to sleep.
”I don’t want to die in my sleep.” Zuo Han closed his eyes, and he hid one hand in his bosom, something seemed to be hidden in his palm.
A knife? Not quite, it should be some kind of sharp thing that he got from outside?
According to the doctor, Zuo Han was a patient suffering from severe paranoia of being victimized, such a dangerous guy, holding an unknown object and being in the same ward as himself, it was scary to think about.
Reason told Chen Ge that he should be fearful, but to be honest he didn’t have any waves inside.
Changing to a comfortable position, Chen Ge closed his eyes and fell asleep.
……
The sound of the door opening sounded, Chen Ge slowly opened his eyes, the morning light from the window shone on his body, he stretched comfortably.
”This kind of life is pretty good, as long as I don’t go back to those bad memories, I don’t look any different from a normal person.”
Chen Ge twisted his head around, Zuo Han was still lying on the bed, he didn’t seem to fall asleep until dawn.
”Looks like you rested well last night.” Dr. Gao stood in the doorway, he didn’t bother to look at Zuo Han, instead he directly walked to Chen Ge’s bedside: “Did you have any nightmares last night?”
”Nope.” Chen Ge shook his head, the face of Dr. Gao in his mind overlapped with Dr. Gao’s face in reality, perhaps because he had seen it too much, the two contradictory memories actually had a tendency to start fusing.
There seemed to be a force in his mind that was slowly changing his perception, making him see reality clearly and helping him strip away the pain.
”This shows that my treatment is still effective.” Dr. Gao was very pleased, “I won’t let Xu Wan continue to bring you food today, you’ve been in the sick room for a long time, it’s time for you to go out and walk around, it’s a great help for recovery.”
”Go out and walk around? Can I visit that paradise?” Chen Ge immediately came into the spirit.
Dr. Gao was dumbfounded, “Do you want to go see that haunted house lady boss? I’m afraid that’s not possible, you can only move around in the hospital for now.”
”Okay.”
”I’ll go get you armpit crutches, wait a moment.”
After Dr. Gao went out, Zuo Han, who was originally unconscious, suddenly woke up, he gestured towards Chen Ge and whispered, “Don’t believe his bullshit.”
”Why are you still awake?”
Zuo Han didn’t speak again and didn’t move a muscle, as if he was still asleep.
A few minutes later, Dr. Gao returned to the ward with armpit crutches, he helped Chen Ge up and the two of them walked out together, the whole time Dr. Gao didn’t say a word to Zuo Han.
I don’t know whether Dr. Gao was worried about disturbing Zuo Han’s sleep or had other reasons.
After breakfast, Chen Ge and Dr. Gao went to the garden outside the sick building.
Because they missed the blooming season, there weren’t many flowers in the garden, but staying here still made people feel comfortable.
The wind blew through the treetops on the face, as if it was a pair of gentle hands.
The sunlight fell on the ground through the gaps in the leaves like swimming goldfish, and the grass on both sides of the road was neatly trimmed, as if it was a calm and beautiful green lake.
”Has it been a long time since I left the ward?” Chen Ge leaned on his armpit crutches and moved his body a little bit.
”Why do you say that?”
”It seems like I haven’t experienced this kind of relaxation for a long time.” Chen Ge touched the tree beside him and found a quiet place with few people to sit down.
”It’s not that you haven’t experienced it, you’re just trapped in an impervious room and have forgotten that feeling.” Dr. Gao sat beside Chen Ge, who seemed to enjoy chatting with him.
”An opaque room?”
”This impervious house is your heart, you took the key and locked yourself in your heart, all I can do is to find a way to get you out of that house.” Dr. Gao looked up at the sky and wondered what he was thinking.
”As long as I can get out of this room, will I get better?” Chen Ge asked seriously.
Dr. Gao shook his head, “Mental illnesses and psychological problems are different, mental illnesses can’t be self-corrected, they need medication to treat them, and letting you come out of the house of your heart is only the first step.”
”Then how can I be completely cured? I actually feel like I’m no different from a normal person right now.” Chen Ge leaned his back against a tree, his eyes slightly blank.
”The fact that you don’t realize that you’re sick means that you’re still a long way from recovery, and the sense of disease awareness and self-knowledge are also the basis for us to judge the severity of a patient’s condition.” Dr. Gao and Chen Ge made small talk.
”Self-knowledge? What’s that?” Chen Ge’s hand gripped the edge of the wooden chair, and he hung his head down as if to prevent others from seeing his expression at this moment.
”Self-knowledge is a patient’s ability to recognize his own mental state, to see if he can judge whether his mental state is normal or not, and you obviously don’t have a bit of self-knowledge in your current situation.”
”But I still feel like I’m no different from a normal person, I just get headaches occasionally.” Chen Ge lifted his head back up as he covered his head, as if he had just gotten another headache for a while.
Dr. Gao didn’t refute Chen Ge as he reached out and pointed at a man who was mumbling to himself next to the gazebo in the distance.
The man was in his early thirties, wearing a hospital gown, and he stood by himself under the sunlight, muttering to himself in the gazebo where the sunlight couldn’t find him.
This man Chen Ge also felt somewhat familiar, but for a moment he couldn’t recall the other person’s name.
”His name is Zhang Jingjiu, and he used to live in a ward with you, but then we realized that his condition kept getting worse after living with you, so we moved him to another ward.”
”Jang Keijin?”
”En, he’s the son of the owner of a brewery in Xinhai, he’s not very old and had a promising future, but unfortunately he has mental problems.”
”What kind of illness does he have?” Chen Ge’s expression became different after hearing the name Zhang Jingju.
”Undifferentiated schizophrenia.” Dr. Gao stared at Zhang Jingjiu, watching his every move, “This patient always thinks he can see ghosts.”
”Ghosts?”
”How can there be ghosts in the world, in fact we tested his senses and found that his five senses are completely different from normal people.” Dr. Gao said casually, “He can’t concentrate and always feels like someone is talking around him, even in a room where he is the only one. Moreover, his brain has problems in processing sound, let me give you a simple example, after a normal person hears a sentence, his brain will think about the meaning that the sentence expresses, whereas he hears one word after another, and all the sentences are fragmented in his mind.”
While Dr. Gao and Chen Ge were talking, the patient called Zhang Jingjiu turned his head and saw the place, his eyes snapped open and he rushed over with quick steps.
When neither Dr. Gao nor Chen Ge reacted, Zhang Jingjiu grabbed Chen Ge’s hand and tried to yank him up from the seat, but he neglected Chen Ge’s injured leg, and the end result was that Chen Ge was yanked to the ground by him.
There were no signs, and Chen Ge didn’t react.
”Nurse! Someone come!”
Dr. Gao and an inspecting caretaker dragged Zhang Jingjiu to the side, and as he was dragged away, he kept shouting at Chen Ge – ghost, ghost, ghost!
”Are you okay?” Dr. Gao helped Chen Ge up.
”It’s fine, it’s fine.” Chen Ge sat down on the bench again, he felt a little strange, from Zhang Jingjiu’s last tone of voice, he could hear that he was afraid of ghosts, since he was afraid of ghosts, why did he still take the initiative to come up and drag himself?
After tugging himself, he even yelled at himself Ghost, Ghost, Ghost ……
Chen Ge lowered his head and beat the ash from his clothes, and misplaced his gaze with Dr. Gao.
”He should be reminding me that there are ghosts around me, and he thinks Dr. Gao is a ghost.”