Chapter 33: The Big Meal

I admire him, I admire him. He is worthy of being the great Emperor Li, whose acting skills are comparable to those of an Oscar-winning actor. The coarse hemp clothes on his body show his determination to endure the disaster with the people of the world. His trembling voice makes people feel his inner grief from the bottom of their hearts. The rhythmic chanting accompanied by the occasional sound of the trombone sends a prayer to the heavens sent up to the heavens, the prince in hemp clothes and straw sandals holding a red lacquered wooden tray respectfully kneeling behind Li Er, occasionally winking his mouth, knowing that he was nauseated by the locusts he was about to eat, and those who didn’t know thought he was already a little sad.

Yun Ye stood in the gauze tent, and from time to time, he took an egg-wrapped locust from the plate in his hand and threw it into his mouth. He chewed the fried locusts with a crunch and watched Li Er perform at a gathering of tens of thousands of people with excitement.

He was not qualified to run around among the ministers, dressed up in full regalia, pretending to read the sacrificial table, when he was actually just mumbling nonsense. His eldest son had him stay with the princes and princesses, not allowing him to go anywhere, saying that if he dared to go back to the Qinling Mountains and live as a barbarian, he would send his entire family there.

I couldn’t imagine what it would be like for the whole family to live in a tree hole, so I suppressed my desire to find someone to talk to and stood in the tent, eating locusts and watching the show.

Li Er was shaking with grief, his arms spread wide open to the sky, and the wide sleeves of his robe brushed past his eyes, and tears immediately rolled down. There were also sad sobs among the ministers.

This is not normal. Even if the sleeves are soaked in ginger water, they can’t stimulate so many tears. Yun Ye tried it before. At most, it made his eyes a little sore, and rubbing them made it go away. Li Er was able to express this moment of artificial sadness so vividly that Yun Ye admired him.

He reached for the plate to comfort his heart, but he missed it. He looked down and saw that it was gone. What the hell? He had only eaten a few of the dishes that had exploded when he left the palace.

When I looked up, I saw the pair of water-splashing eyes of the eldest grandson of the commoner Jingzhai, and the raging anger was spewing from his beautiful eyes. Looking around, I saw that Lanling, Ruyang, Li Tai, and Li Ke were all munching on locusts, making crunching sounds with their mouths. Lanling, in particular, was throwing whole locusts into her mouth, which instantly broke into pieces. She also occasionally stuck out her pink little tongue to lick the corners of her mouth. The young princes and princesses were reaching out to Yue Yan, but their mothers were holding them back.

It’s over. This time I’ve offended every concubine in the palace who can talk.

There was no room for explanation in front of the emperor’s grandson, and I dared not explain. I quickly bent my back, hunched my shoulders, and curled my neck, pretending to be pitiful. I was not yet an adult, and I had no rights. Who would be stuffed into the group of concubines? Li Er was not afraid of causing a scandal?

I am a man of seven feet, and I should be wearing my court robes, a golden crown, and a white jade tablet in my hand, mingling with the ministers and learning to chant sutras with Li Er, without having to face so many beautiful and hateful eyes.

Fortunately, it was the time for the sacrifice to the heavens, so the eldest grandson did not lose his temper. He just shook his sleeve to show that he was very angry and that the consequences would be very serious, so he returned to his chair and sat down.

“Brother Ye, this stuff is really delicious. Is there any more?” Li Ke asked quietly.

“Yes, there are many more. I’ll make it for you when we get back. You can have as much as you want.” Yun Ye said to Li Ke with a meaningful look, without caring about Yang Fei’s panic.

“I want some too.” Lanling stretched out his oily hand and looked at the empty plate in Yun Ye’s hand with regret.

“No problem, we’ll eat all these delicious things, not a single one left.” Yun Ye suddenly remembered what his grandmother had told his sisters about letting the pigs out, and he had a thought in his mind.

He called out to a eunuch and whispered a few words. The eunuch looked at the empress and saw that she nodded in agreement, so he hurriedly left.

“What are you up to? Although you like to make a mess and are not very organized, you are not ambiguous about important matters. I will see what kind of idea you have.”

“The little minister remembered that his grandmother had asked his siblings to let the pigs out, so he was going to try the same trick again.”

“Did it work?”

“It was very effective!”

“Then try it. If it doesn’t work, you’ll see what happens when you make up ideas.” In order to help her husband get through this difficult time, Changsun did not hesitate to betray her son and Li Er’s child.

“Sister!” Yang Fei was in a panic. She didn’t want her two sons to become locust-eating savages.

“Sister, don’t say anymore. This is a matter of life and death. They are the emperor’s children, so they must be prepared to suffer. It is a responsibility and an honor to be able to help their father. I know you are distressed, but this is just a small matter. Whether it is dangerous or not, I ate it a few days ago and it tasted pretty good. You can try it later.” The authority of the eldest sister is not something to be trifled with. One sentence shut down Yang Fei’s plea for mercy and even involved herself.

Yang Fei gagged twice, clenching her handkerchief tightly to her mouth, and her face turned pale.

Not only the concubines who knew the truth, but also Li Tai, had turned pale.

“You know? How did you figure it out? Don’t tell anyone.” Yun Ye poked Li Tai, who was pale and stunned.

Li Tai whispered, “This is not a difficult problem. It is not difficult to understand the truth of the matter by using known conditions to speculate on the unknown. Do you really want to do this?”

“Nonsense. Your father, your older brother, and your mother all ate it. They had to eat it for the sake of the Li family’s prosperity for generations to come. Besides, didn’t you just praise it?”

Li Tai stopped talking and looked at his father and brother through the gauze curtain.

There were a few more low-pitched horns, and the fat, big-bellied trumpeter’s cheeks were puffed up like a toad, trying his best to blow louder, so that the mortal’s prayers could be sent farther.

Three cups of wine to the heavens, three cups of wine to the earth. Li Er was so sad that he could not help himself. His voice was full of remorse, and his tears and snot made it difficult to speak. “If I have done anything wrong, the blame is mine. If heaven punishes me, please punish me alone, not others. Now that the locusts have arrived, let them devour my heart and liver, but not the food of my people.”

After saying this, he pushed away the wooden tray that Li Chengqian had held up and grabbed two locusts from the ground and swallowed them whole.

All the officials and common people in the audience were in tears. The old fool among the military officers, Yuchi, grabbed a handful of locusts and stuffed them into his mouth. The green juice dripped down his mouth, making him extremely nauseous. This made the other courtiers who were about to swallow locusts curse in their hearts, “How can you eat something so disgusting?

It has to be said that the ministers of the Tang Dynasty were reliable. Disgusting as it was, they didn’t hesitate to put the locusts in their mouths and swallow some of them.

Yun Ye looked carefully and saw that none of them were cheating. They all ate the locusts honestly.

Damn it, is it easy to get a little bit of wealth and glory? I get sick just looking at raw locusts, but these pampered bigwigs didn’t hesitate at all, as if they had just eaten a snack. Several of them even picked their teeth, looking like they were still enjoying it.

In contrast, Li Chengqian was pitiful. His face turned from white to yellow and then red. He dropped his plate and grabbed a few locusts with his hands and swallowed them with his eyes closed.

Yun Ye prayed in his heart for the prince, hoping that he wouldn’t throw up.

Li Tai grabbed Yun Ye’s sleeve and whispered, “Save me, I don’t want to swallow locusts.”

“Hmph! The country is yours, Li family, Your Majesty, the crown prince, the prince, and the ministers have all eaten them, why don’t you eat them?”

Li Tai looked desperate: “I’ll eat the locusts you made, but not raw. If I eat them raw, I’ll die.”

Everyone was waiting for the heavens to respond. An old Taoist with white hair and beard held a whisk and stepped on an unknown star. He swayed all over, throwing pieces of yellow paper into the air, then sat down on the altar and said nothing.

“It will be over in half an hour. Now, Qingque, Ke’er, Ruyang, Lanling, Hengshan, you will follow your mother.” Changsun spoke, and a large basket of fried locusts was sent from the palace.

Chang Sun picked up one and carefully put it in his mouth, chewing it a few times before swallowing it. This made Li Ke and Lanling very happy. Each of them grabbed a handful of the food and inhaled the delicious aroma. The outside was wrapped in egg and flour, making it sweet and crispy when chewed.

This time, all the concubines who had the opportunity to come out had children. The others did not bring any, and the ones who did not know the situation kept eating. The ones who knew the situation, such as Concubine Yang, frowned and could not make up her mind. She thought that her mother was not feeling well, so Li Ke went up to her mother and took the locusts in her hand. She said, “Is my mother not feeling well? Although this food is delicious, it is too oily. If you don’t like greasy food, let me do it for you.”

In the strange gaze of Yang Fei, Li Ke, who was born with a clean fetish, ate locusts with relish.

Empress Yang was a good queen!

With many princes and princesses, she carried a plate of locusts to the king and his ministers.

The ministers were naturally grateful and tearful. They had just swallowed locusts and were not feeling well in their stomachs. The queen was like a gift of coal in the snow, and they hurriedly picked up the locusts in the plate and ate them with a face full of intoxication.

Yun Ye felt that he should run away, otherwise, when the ministers, princes, princesses, princes, and princesses present reacted, his life would be in danger! Li Er would definitely plant such a wonderful idea on his head.

Besides, even the most beautiful woman vomiting is not beautiful.