Chapter 146: Xiaohua (Part 2)

Lin Xiaohua obviously would not comment on this. After the heart dies, the last wound, I think no one wants to share it with others.

“The rest of the story is simple… The first time I saw him, the first time I planted the seed, in the years that followed, I was able to tell which one was the good brother and which one was the bad brother. Don’t think that it’s hard to explain things to a child. In fact, it’s easier to explain things to a child from their perspective, and they accept it more quickly because their thinking is not yet solidified, and they have not yet learned to reject other people’s opinions and protect their own world and sense of security… I didn’t think it was that complicated at the time, and I didn’t think it was weird at all. I just stubbornly divided that person into good and bad brothers.” Lin Xiaohua spoke lightly, and slowly, her hoarse voice began to change, becoming… a little thicker.

It was the kind of voice that distinguished a young girl from a young woman.

The wind blew, and Lin Xiaohua grew old in her memories.

As for the good and bad brothers, there is really no need to recall too many details. One is aloof and condescending, while the other is kind, gentle and warm, with a sunny disposition. It is easy to imagine what kind of impression such a contrast would leave on a little girl.

The bad gets worse and the good gets better. A child’s judgment is so simple.

Lin Xiaohua didn’t go into too many details about her growing up, but she did mention two things. The first time she remembered walking out of the gate of the courtyard, it was her good brother who took her out. She was on his back, and he carried her out of the courtyard.

He carried her for a long time, far away… She came into contact with many people, with respectful eyes and polite conversation, only because she was lying on his back.

“Maybe when I was little, I was carried out too? To see a doctor? Or something else? Or maybe I’m selectively forgetting, and I only remember that day when he carried me out, the blue sky outside, the warm soft wind… When we got to the outskirts of the village, the sound of the rushing river, that was the ‘faraway’ world I had never been to.” Lin Xiaohua’s comment on this period was just one sentence.

Another detail is that both of them were teenagers. One night, Lin Furu suddenly woke up… He went to Lin Xiaohua’s room, and that night, the two immature teenagers had their first in-depth conversation.

The sadness of each other… On that night, Lin Xiaohua saw Lin Furui crying for the first time, and for the first time, she felt a strong desire to comfort someone, but words were so inadequate and language was so lacking.

If you say that a seed was planted when they were young, and that night it sprouted and took root in their hearts, they could never forget it.

“Don’t say that my world is only about him, because the whole process of falling in love with him, where are these two details? The little things that you spend day and night together, and the extreme state of mind, is that the person is clearly in front of you, but he is not him. You desperately want him to appear, but after a long time, it becomes a disease. The morbid dependence that accompanies the innocent love is the most terrible, because their roots are too strong, and they will be rooted in the deepest part of the heart. How to pull it out? If you pull it out by the roots, you will tear off the whole heart.” Lin Xiaohua’s tone was so calm, but she was telling me about the beginning of a love that would stay with her forever.

I was silent. There are many different kinds of love in this world, but no matter how it begins, how it twists and turns, or how calm or intense it is, the most frightening thing is that it takes root in the heart. As Lin Xiaohua said, how can it be torn off? Or can it only be allowed to wither? But it is grown in the flesh and nourished by the blood, so how can it wither so easily? After all, it has cost so much of their own hard work, and it has remained in their souls.

The rest of the story, which Lin Xiaohua told in a very concise manner, was that they grew up, and Lin Xiaohua’s illness was cured by half with the help of God.

Why only half? I couldn’t help but ask.

After all, I knew that God would be influenced by Lin Furui in one way or another, and Lin Furui should have fallen in love with Lin Xiaohua at that time.

Because throughout the years of growing up, Lin Xiaohua was not alone in her loneliness, and so was Lin Furui… What was even more frightening was that Lin Xiaohua had self-awareness and knew that she existed, but Lin Furui didn’t even have that, because all others knew was the god who was high above them.

Apart from the family members who rarely saw him under the deliberate control of the god, the rest was Lin Xiaohua.

What’s more, Lin Xiaohua not only gave him recognition, but also dependence, worship, trust… and love! Faced with such feelings, coupled with the years of growing up, what could a somewhat weak boy who had always been suppressed not respond to and accept?

What’s more, Lin Xiaohua was a beautiful woman, and even though her body was in such bad shape at that time, it could not hide her radiance.

Otherwise, how could the almighty God just sit back and do nothing? If he didn’t recognize Lin Xiaohua, with his domineering and strong personality, he would definitely try to stop Lin Furui in every way possible… after all, from a certain point of view, they were the same person.

So, in this situation, why did the god only heal Lin Xiaohua halfway?

“It’s very simple. The biggest difference between God and Lin Furui is control. At that time, he wanted to come here… He was afraid that I wouldn’t go with him, so he only agreed to heal me half. There are two other reasons. First, outside, he didn’t dare to go too far with the power of the Tianwen Stone. Second, he used this to pressure my parents to take me away.” Lin Xiaohua said very simply.

Perhaps time is really running out, and she can’t go into too many details.

But in fact, if Lin Furui did not exist, the god would not have been able to take away this girl who had grown up with a disability and had become incredibly tough.

She left with him… very decisively. The biggest reason was that at that time she did not understand her parents, thinking that they were only fawning on God, and that their love for her had been extinguished after she came to God.

“My parents passed away shortly after I entered here. I don’t want to talk about the sadness of that time. I just remember that Lin Furui told me the truth. Because God was afraid that I would still have concerns about the outside world and would not stay at his side peacefully, he simply used a little trick to make my parents die early. It was also at that time that I learned the truth from Lin Furui’s mouth, that is, my parents were so pleasing to God, and everything was for the sake of curing me. As for how Lin Furei knew, it was because after entering here, he and God became more and more integrated.” Lin Xiaohua finally talked about this part of her parents, but she was very calm, and there were no tears in her eyes.

Because this girl had already decided long ago to pay back what she owed. She had made up her mind, so what was so sad about it?

“Do you always think I’m a very wise woman? Actually, no. If you care about something, you’ll be confused and cruel. Just like I couldn’t see my parents’ good intentions. Because I always think that people’s hearts are cruel, and the cruelty lies in the same tiny mistake. The heart won’t care about strangers, thinking that since you’re a stranger, it’s okay for you to make mistakes, because you’re not obligated to be nice to me. But it will care about people who care about you, thinking that I care about you, and I’ve given you so much, so why do you make mistakes to me? So, I am also cruel… because they are my parents, and I take more love for granted. If a stranger had raised me like this, I would naturally be grateful, but what about my parents? I actually blame and resent them… Later, I thought, shouldn’t I be more tolerant of people I care about and who are familiar to me? A lifetime of fate is not easy, and you can give strangers understanding, so why can’t you give them that? Let the feelings be more sublimated? After all, whether or not you are good to others is natural, and whether or not you are good to others is also natural. When you add in the element of gain and loss, it is not the same. You start to look for a return.” Lin Xiaohua’s words were particularly long. Perhaps she was not really in pain after deciding to forgive, but this girl who was used to concealing her feelings was used to concealing her feelings.

If it really didn’t hurt, how could she have such an epiphany?

I squinted at the sky and saw the wind blowing up tiny pieces of debris from the battle. The smell of blood was coming, and it was desolate. All I could say was, “No, experience makes you wiser, at least much wiser than me, the idiot you call me.”

“Huh… I’ve said too much nonsense. There’s really nothing else to say, except that the three of us were endlessly entangled here, especially after God discovered that my essence was a trump card for him to save his life. You may have heard that I deliberately avoided some of God’s behavior and daily interactions with me, because I didn’t think it was worth remembering. Because the reason he said he loved me was because he wanted absolute control. He even wanted to control the fact that I loved Lin Furui… Of course, it was also his arrogance. In his eyes, how could I love the lowly Lin Furui instead of him? This is the answer to everything. Chen Chengyi, if there is anything else I want to tell you, it’s only one thing.” Lin Xiaohua’s voice had become very old and worn by this point. In fact, without deliberately thinking about it, I also knew that at this moment, she had completely aged.

I caught a glimpse of her hair tips in the corner of my eye, and they were completely white. Is this the sadness of the morning like green silk and the evening like snow? My heart trembled inexplicably.

“Do you know why I say he is chasing death? That is a boundary between him and me. After this boundary… he will slowly stop being himself.” Lin Xiaohua’s voice seemed to have a penetrating magic, allowing me to see a night between her and Lin Furui.

The first time Lin Furui cried in front of him was when he was a teenager.

That night, it was the second time Lin Furui had cried in front of Lin Xiaohua… He told Lin Xiaohua that he could no longer control himself and was becoming more and more like the god he hated the most. He told Lin Xiaohua that in this life, he didn’t want anything, he just wanted to die, because at least with death, there was reincarnation and hope.

He also told Lin Xiaohua, “In this life, I am willing to give up everything, just to die, but I can’t even commit suicide. He will wake up. You have to understand me. It’s not that I want to abandon you, but I really don’t have any way to face myself. If I’m not myself, how can I love you? Xiaohua, do you believe me? In the next life, I will definitely remember you. In the next life… I will still be your little brother Rui.”

“Is this the reason why you follow him like a religion, while he follows death?” I couldn’t help but ask.

“Yes, I can understand it, and I can even fulfill it. I can make his dream my dream… But which woman wants an illusory next life, rather than being able to stay together and share happiness, even if it’s just for a minute? I often sigh, but I fulfilled his wish in the end,” said Lin Xiaohua softly.

“But in the end, he didn’t want this fulfillment anymore.” I couldn’t help but say.

“It wasn’t him who didn’t want this fulfillment. After that night, he was already terminally ill and slowly died. I witnessed his death. I lived on with difficulty, perhaps holding on to a glimmer of hope that he was still alive. You know, it’s even more difficult to live without a glimmer of hope. I told myself countless times that I was only fulfilling his last wish. His slap shattered my hope. What else was left for me? This life, I warmed him, and I fulfilled his wish. It’s enough to be entangled with him until now.” Lin Xiaohua’s voice seemed to be falling asleep.

“In fact… you’re not fulfilling his last wish. You want to give him a release at the end. If he can’t choose to die, he’ll always be a poor worm suppressed by the gods, or even completely disappear. How could you bear to see such a thing happen?” I finally couldn’t help but “expose” Lin Xiaohua’s light touch.

“Haha… Chen Chengyi, the stone of the heavenly pattern is destroyed, and the soul of the god is completely imprisoned inside, and then it will slowly dissipate, and nothing needs to be done… because there is a great benefit, and in the face of failure, there must be a great harm. This is the secret of the god? You see how much he likes me… Chen Chengyi, if I’m tired… I won’t talk anymore… well, that’s me dying.”

“Chen Chengyi… Do you know why I’m telling you all this? Because I loved him so much… His existence in this life… is only a god in the eyes of people… How can I bear to see… that he leaves no trace in the hearts of anyone except his family?”

“Chen Chengyi… I’m being selfish… telling you all this without thinking… I’ve loved him my whole life… and in the end… I think you’re a pretty… pretty…”

Lin Xiaohua didn’t finish saying all of her words, and her whole body collapsed onto my shoulders.

Grandma Ling Qing suddenly covered my eyes and said to me, “Chengyi, don’t look… fulfill this poor girl’s last wish! Wait until I cover her head with a scarf, then you can open your eyes…”

And my tears slipped out of the gaps in Ling Qing’s fingers.

Goodbye, Lin Xiaohua. I hope we can drink together again in the next life.